The Top Ten NFL Head Coaches...
...in terms of how much they seem like a sexual predator.
Oh, yes. We're going there.
10. ROB CHUDZINSKI, Cleveland
Pudgy momma's-boy-looking-nerd? Sure; he's a Norman Bates type. Does he have the stones to take it to the next level? Nah. Looks too much like a *****. At worst, he'd write rape-fantasy fiction on the internet.
9. MIKE TOMLIN, Pittsburgh
Has that date rape look about him, but let's face it...he's not getting turned down looking like Omar Epps. Tom Tom's swimming in panties.
8. REX RYAN, NY Jets
Kinky sunuvabitch, but only with willing partners.
7. JOE PHILBIN, Miami
Yeah, he looks a little bit like a necrophile.
6. DENNIS ALLEN, Oakland
Gives off a little bit of a rapey vibe.
5. JASON GARRETT, Dallas
He looks like the guy who roofies dudes at seedy *** bars.
4. RON RIVERA, Carolina
Homie looks like he's got some repressed rage just dying to be let loose.
3. MIKE SMITH, Atlanta
Ol' Mikey wrote the book on looking like an "inappropriate" grandpa. He's got a real "rape face." Also, you call it "34 pounds of hair gel"; I call it "lubricant hidden in plain sight."
2. BRUCE ARIANS, Arizona
Stalker sunglasses? Check. Creepy white goatee on an old guy? Check.
1. MARC TRESTMAN, Chicago
The Creme de la creme of sktchy-looking characters. Does he have a dead hooker in the trunk of his car? Depends on the day...Flip a coin. Does he sit outside schools with binoculars? Wouldn't be shocking. Did he get fired from a previous job as a mortician for inapproriate behavior in the embalming room? It's conceivable.
Too bad Brad Childress sucks so much he got fired or he'd win hands down.
Never realized it till now, but Mike Smith really got a strong John Wayne Gacy thing going... Creepy.
Arians doesn't have any facial hair anymore :(
still pretty rapey
Mike McCarthy totally drives around neighborhoods during prom season hoping to find the house theyre taking pictures.
Spoiler that **** if you're not going to find a smaller pic!
And Fenikz, somehow he looks even more like a raper without the facial hair and sunglasses.
I think Tomlin is married, man.
Who says married men can't be rapists? I never got that memo. Looks like I have to find new plans for Thursday nights.
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