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Old 01-23-2009, 04:21 PM    (permalink
giantsfan
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i love women as a hole.
as I'm sure we all do...

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Originally Posted by kalbears13 View Post
Alright...preliminary question...

What are your views on going after a best friend's ex?
If it was serious and ended ugly she's off limits and you've gotta talk to your buddy if it was serious at all. Now if she's a skank your buddy doesn't give two shits about anymore tap away. Either way unless she's a skank consult your buddy and get his permission.
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Old 01-23-2009, 04:22 PM    (permalink
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It depends how tight they were, really. If i know the guy, like i'll say hi to him if i see him, but we don't hangout, then in that instance i dont care. If it's one of my boys, we chill pretty often, then i'd back off, again depending on how serious they were.
Alright, they went out for almost 2 years. As long as I had been friends with him they'd been together. They broke up like 4 months ago. He's been one of those friends who has never let you down and was a "bro". The girl and I didn't really become friends until last year. She was my cheer sister for football. This summer all three of us worked together but me and her worked exclusively together every day for 2 months for like 8 hours a day. Like a month before they broke up we started hanging out just us two, while he was in Australia. He knew so it wasn't like she was cheating. He now goes to school like a 3 hour drive away. I go to school like a 45 minute drive away and come home a lot. She still lives at home. We still hang out whenever I come home.

EDIT: She felt it was a more ugly break up than he did.
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Old 01-23-2009, 04:24 PM    (permalink
giantsfan
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Originally Posted by kalbears13 View Post
Alright, they went out for almost 2 years. As long as I had been friends with him they'd been together. They broke up like 4 months ago. He's been one of those friends who has never let you down and was a "bro". The girl and I didn't really become friends until last year. She was my cheer sister for football. This summer all three of us worked together but me and her worked exclusively together every day for 2 months for like 8 hours a day. Like a month before they broke up we started hanging out just us two, while he was in Australia. He knew so it wasn't like she was cheating. He now goes to school like a 3 hour drive away. I go to school like a 45 minute drive away and come home a lot. She still lives at home. We still hang out whenever I come home.
Get permission from your buddy, also did they end ugly? I mean is he/she still pissed at her/him or was it more of a mutual breakup?
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Old 01-23-2009, 04:25 PM    (permalink
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If there's nothing shady going on, you should have no trouble telling your bro all about it. I'm not saying you need his approval, but you should fully disclose what's going on. So tell him, then bang her.
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Old 01-23-2009, 04:26 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by kalbears13 View Post
Alright, they went out for almost 2 years. As long as I had been friends with him they'd been together. They broke up like 4 months ago. He's been one of those friends who has never let you down and was a "bro". The girl and I didn't really become friends until last year. She was my cheer sister for football. This summer all three of us worked together but me and her worked exclusively together every day for 2 months for like 8 hours a day. Like a month before they broke up we started hanging out just us two, while he was in Australia. He knew so it wasn't like she was cheating. He now goes to school like a 3 hour drive away. I go to school like a 45 minute drive away and come home a lot. She still lives at home. We still hang out whenever I come home.

EDIT: She felt it was a more ugly break up than he did.
Well i'll tell you what, if you feel the girl is worth possibly damaging your relationship with your best friend, then i say go ahead. If what you look for her is something serious, and she wants the same (i can't stress enough how important it is for this to be mutual), then i guess you should talk to your friend and let him know that you have serious feelings for her.

If it's just a fling, don't even risk your relationship. Girls come and go.
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Old 01-23-2009, 05:18 PM    (permalink
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Never date an ex! Just say no.
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Old 01-23-2009, 05:26 PM    (permalink
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2 years? Thats really serious. Its really hard for their to be not hurt feelings, the only way I could see it is if he got really bored being around and was glad it ended, very unlikely. Only go out with her if you think she's worth ruining things with your bro. So pretty much no.
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Old 01-23-2009, 05:30 PM    (permalink
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Bang her and have a mutual agreement not to tell your friend. I've seen it happen before. Especially with him going to college so far away. It could work.
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Old 01-23-2009, 05:33 PM    (permalink
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Bang her and have a mutual agreement not to tell your friend. I've seen it happen before. Especially with him going to college so far away. It could work.
Idiotic. Why lie to your best friend about it? He had a 2 year relationship with this girl, and maybe some sort of relationship after. Just because you've seen it happen doesn't mean that's what he should do.
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Old 01-23-2009, 05:42 PM    (permalink
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Never date an ex! Just say no.
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Old 01-23-2009, 05:43 PM    (permalink
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It varies on every situation to me on what I'd do. If this guy is still your best friend, hold off.
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Old 01-23-2009, 05:47 PM    (permalink
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It's definitely not a hit and quit thing. I don't know if it's mutual yet. If it isn't then the plan of action is obvious. Even when they were together, I considered her probably my next best friend.
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Old 01-23-2009, 06:01 PM    (permalink
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Idiotic. Why lie to your best friend about it? He had a 2 year relationship with this girl, and maybe some sort of relationship after. Just because you've seen it happen doesn't mean that's what he should do.
That is correct, just because I have seen it happen does not mean it is the thing to do. It's only done in situations like these because of risking a relationship with your best friend. Especially if he's uncertain if the 'serious' feelings are mutual. If it gets serious thats when you talk to him about it but if its just a 'fling' then you could probably get away with it without damaging your relationship with your best friend.

Edit: I don't recommend messing with your best friends ex at all nor do I recommend you take this route but its another option.
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Old 01-23-2009, 06:21 PM    (permalink
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Ive gone through this situation before, One of my best friends broke up with a girl that he dated for a year and a half. Me and her knew each other pretty well and about 2 months after they broke up, me and her started talking and we hung out a couple times, i started to tell that me and her both liked each other quite a bit and thats when i decided to tell him.

I told him straight up "hey, we like each other and we both thought it would be best that ask what you think about it", and he was fine with it. Idk how this kid is, but just the thought of asking them usually makes them feel a little better.
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Old 01-23-2009, 06:39 PM    (permalink
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Ive gone through this situation before, One of my best friends broke up with a girl that he dated for a year and a half. Me and her knew each other pretty well and about 2 months after they broke up, me and her started talking and we hung out a couple times, i started to tell that me and her both liked each other quite a bit and thats when i decided to tell him.

I told him straight up "hey, we like each other and we both thought it would be best that ask what you think about it", and he was fine with it. Idk how this kid is, but just the thought of asking them usually makes them feel a little better.

Yeah, if I were to find out it's mutual and we both want a relationship I would ask.
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Old 01-23-2009, 07:01 PM    (permalink
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Yeah, if I were to find out it's mutual and we both want a relationship I would ask.
Better to ask now, you know that you are really starting to like her. It's better if you ask now, before you start to like her even more. Just being up front about it is the way to be.
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Old 01-23-2009, 09:42 PM    (permalink
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Ok guys gonna ask you guys a question. Ive been asking some of my closest friends, and it hasnt been helping. Ive decided to bring it to SWDC and get the advice of some true experts ;)

So my ex GF and I dated for a year and a half, We broke up about a month before i left for school because she was so worried about trying to make it work while i was at school, and we had started to get into some little arguments here and there. Well now its half way through the school year, and she has started to talk to me again, and has brought up getting back together.

I have been seeing a girl while i have been here, nothing too serious. Its a fun little thing, but i do not feel half of what i felt for my ex. Obviously i still have feelings for my ex, but i really hadnt talked to her much until a couple weeks ago.

Get back together with the ex? or stay away from it?
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Old 01-23-2009, 09:43 PM    (permalink
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It's definitely not a hit and quit thing. I don't know if it's mutual yet. If it isn't then the plan of action is obvious. Even when they were together, I considered her probably my next best friend.
There's your problem right there. It needs to be a hit it and quit it thing, because if it's not then you're basically empowering her over both of you.

Remember that women never ever ever ever ever ever EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER say or or do what they mean when it comes to guys. Assume that there is a hidden motive behind everything she says or does towards you. She went out with your friend for hella long and it ended messy? Yeah, she's probably got a few resentful feelings towards your boy, whether she admits it to you or not. For all you know, you could just be some pawn in a grand scheme for her to get back at him. Remember, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Don't fall in love and start catching feelings. Just flip her and have a sideshow in her *****.
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Old 01-23-2009, 09:45 PM    (permalink
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There's your problem right there. It needs to be a hit it and quit it thing, because if it's not then you're basically empowering her over both of you.

Remember that women never ever ever ever ever ever EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER say or or do what they mean when it comes to guys. Assume that there is a hidden motive behind everything she says or does towards you. She went out with your friend for hella long and it ended messy? Yeah, she's probably got a few resentful feelings towards your boy, whether she admits it to you or not. For all you know, you could just be some pawn in a grand scheme for her to get back at him. Remember, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Don't fall in love and start catching feelings. Just flip her and have a sideshow in her *****.
If he does that, he loses his boy AND the girl. I'm not sure what the smart thing in doing that would be. You either get with it, or stay completely away.
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Old 01-23-2009, 09:50 PM    (permalink
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Ok guys gonna ask you guys a question. Ive been asking some of my closest friends, and it hasnt been helping. Ive decided to bring it to SWDC and get the advice of some true experts ;)

So my ex GF and I dated for a year and a half, We broke up about a month before i left for school because she was so worried about trying to make it work while i was at school, and we had started to get into some little arguments here and there. Well now its half way through the school year, and she has started to talk to me again, and has brought up getting back together.

I have been seeing a girl while i have been here, nothing too serious. Its a fun little thing, but i do not feel half of what i felt for my ex. Obviously i still have feelings for my ex, but i really hadnt talked to her much until a couple weeks ago.

Get back together with the ex? or stay away from it?
You are in college, it ended for a reason. There will be plenty of others. There is no reason to get back with an ex. There is a reason it ended. Don't even consider it. You will find someone better. College is the time to have fun, there isn't a need to have a serious relationship. They don't work. You aren't going to marry this girl, so just get some strange. Have fun, don't worry about serious relationships. They will happen on accident, and when those do they are always the best ones.

JUST HAVE FUN.
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Old 01-23-2009, 09:51 PM    (permalink
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If he does that, he loses his boy AND the girl. I'm not sure what the smart thing in doing that would be. You either get with it, or stay completely away.
Or C: none of the above. The ONLY thing you can do to make sure everything stays fine is to talk to your buddy. If he says no, you stay away. If he says don't date her, you just **** her. If he says, yeah, go for it. Then go for it. That way you don't lose your buddy, and it's always bros before hos.
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Old 01-23-2009, 09:54 PM    (permalink
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Or C: none of the above. The ONLY thing you can do to make sure everything stays fine is to talk to your buddy. If he says no, you stay away. If he says don't date her, you just **** her. If he says, yeah, go for it. Then go for it. That way you don't lose your buddy, and it's always bros before hos.
If you don't feel it's worth it, why even bring it up to your friend? Who knows how he's gonna react, and if it'll change anything between you all. If you're gonna approach him about it, be ready to lose his friendship. That's worst case scenario, but it's very possible.
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Old 01-23-2009, 10:09 PM    (permalink
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Ok guys gonna ask you guys a question. Ive been asking some of my closest friends, and it hasnt been helping. Ive decided to bring it to SWDC and get the advice of some true experts ;)

So my ex GF and I dated for a year and a half, We broke up about a month before i left for school because she was so worried about trying to make it work while i was at school, and we had started to get into some little arguments here and there. Well now its half way through the school year, and she has started to talk to me again, and has brought up getting back together.

I have been seeing a girl while i have been here, nothing too serious. Its a fun little thing, but i do not feel half of what i felt for my ex. Obviously i still have feelings for my ex, but i really hadnt talked to her much until a couple weeks ago.
?

Try and work it out with your ex, while maintaining what you already have at school.
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Old 01-23-2009, 10:40 PM    (permalink
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There's your problem right there. It needs to be a hit it and quit it thing, because if it's not then you're basically empowering her over both of you.

Remember that women never ever ever ever ever ever EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER say or or do what they mean when it comes to guys. Assume that there is a hidden motive behind everything she says or does towards you. She went out with your friend for hella long and it ended messy? Yeah, she's probably got a few resentful feelings towards your boy, whether she admits it to you or not. For all you know, you could just be some pawn in a grand scheme for her to get back at him. Remember, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Don't fall in love and start catching feelings. Just flip her and have a sideshow in her *****.
Yeah, she told me she hates him. I always keep it in mind that she might want to do it for that reason but all signs point to that she's not.
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Old 01-23-2009, 10:42 PM    (permalink
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Try and work it out with your ex, while maintaining what you already have at school.
now thats a little risky my friend, ive never been the type of guy to do somethin like that.
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