Relationship Advice Thread - Page 237

thefalconer · 11-16-2010, 06:05 PM

we've talked and she's totally understanding but i'm still bothered by it nonetheless y'know? it's not an old friend or a *** guy but an upperclassman who i just hear good stuff about. imma try and work it out. unless bsaza says otherwise of course.

Sportsfan486 · 11-16-2010, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thefalconer

we've talked and she's totally understanding but i'm still bothered by it nonetheless y'know? it's not an old friend or a *** guy but an upperclassman who i just hear good stuff about. imma try and work it out. unless bsaza says otherwise of course.

Well, what did she say about him exactly? And when you say they hang out alone, in what sort of situation? Ie; going out drinking or smoking a bowl at home is different then going to a soccer game.

If you're still bothered by it, you might wanna consider bailing 'cuz it's just going to eat you up.

thefalconer · 11-16-2010, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sportsfan486

Well, what did she say about him exactly? And when you say they hang out alone, in what sort of situation? Ie; going out drinking or smoking a bowl at home is different then going to a soccer game.

If you're still bothered by it, you might wanna consider bailing 'cuz it's just going to eat you up.

she says she doesn't see him like that. which i highly doubt. they actually got close after her and i got into a fight and she went to him for support. yeah it sounds kinda bad, but the guy is her small group leader (christian thing) so it is kinda understandable. they just grab something to eat sometimes and stuff. i feel better about it but i just hate being that boyfriend that tells the girlfriend not to hang out with this or that guy. and when we were talking today i felt like such a ***** complaining about my jealousy.

Sportsfan486 · 11-16-2010, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thefalconer

she says she doesn't see him like that. which i highly doubt. they actually got close after her and i got into a fight and she went to him for support. yeah it sounds kinda bad, but the guy is her small group leader (christian thing) so it is kinda understandable. they just grab something to eat sometimes and stuff. i feel better about it but i just hate being that boyfriend that tells the girlfriend not to hang out with this or that guy. and when we were talking today i felt like such a ***** complaining about my jealousy.

Hmm. Well. It's a tough situation. I've been in it and, from the posts above, so have other guys on here. It doesn't end well. You just always worry that if you say something wrong or can't make plans with her when she wants to she'll get upset and something will happen with this other dude you'll never hear about.

When you say things like you highly doubt she doesn't see him like that, you need to take that as a sign that you're not comfortable with the situation and bail from the relationship. Telling her you don't want her hanging out with the guy anymore isn't going to solve anything.

If you think this girl is the love of your life, then stick with it. If you're pretty sure she's not, save yourself the agony.

BufFan71 · 11-16-2010, 07:50 PM

damn. I just cheated on my GF

i feel pretty bad, we had gotten over a lot in the past month and have worked on communicating better
i got locked out of my house, and a girl i knew drove by and saw me and decided to keep me company...

CJSchneider · 11-16-2010, 07:52 PM

By "keep you company" you mean you hit it or what?

Sportsfan486 · 11-16-2010, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BufFan71

damn. I just cheated on my GF

i feel pretty bad, we had gotten over a lot in the past month and have worked on communicating better
i got locked out of my house, and a girl i knew drove by and saw me and decided to keep me company...

We need more details to properly diagnose the situation. Did she invite you into her car and she showed you her skills with a stickshift? Did you break a window out of desperation to stick it to her? Did you do anal?

Important questions all.

BufFan71 · 11-16-2010, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJSchneider

By "keep you company" you mean you hit it or what?

naw we were making out and i was feeling up on her and she goes
"you understand that your facebook says u are in a relationship right"
then she called me out in being in a relationship, then she saw the calender in my room, which has monday labeled "Andrea's Birthday"

plus my mom came home and this was in my room (after i finally got into my house)

CJSchneider · 11-16-2010, 07:57 PM

Deny, Deny, Deny.

BufFan71 · 11-16-2010, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJSchneider

Deny, Deny, Deny.

she was actually like
"im not gonna tell your girlfriend. thats your own business, not mine. Im not gonna get involved. But as a hint, u shouldnt be making out with girls when u have a girlfriend"

Deny, Deny, Deny is my current gameplan

CJSchneider · 11-16-2010, 08:00 PM

She sounds cool then. I'd keep that information handy in case your FB status ever changes for real.

BufFan71 · 11-16-2010, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJSchneider

She sounds cool then. I'd keep that information handy in case your FB status ever changes for real.

im paranoid as fuk that shes gonna mention something about me at school. because i know a lot of her friends, know my girlfriend... even though my GF goes to a different school

Brent · 11-16-2010, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BufFan71

im paranoid as fuk that shes gonna mention something about me at school. because i know a lot of her friends, know my girlfriend... even though my GF goes to a different school

**** it, you made the choice, live with it.

girls know: once a cheater, always a cheater.

BufFan71 · 11-16-2010, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brent

**** it, you made the choice, live with it.

girls know: once a cheater, always a cheater.

girl just texted me saying:
"and ill keep my promise about not telling her"

terribletowel39 · 11-16-2010, 08:27 PM

I would atleast "get in it" since you already cheated. They are the same thing to a girl. Betrayal.

Sportsfan486 · 11-16-2010, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BufFan71

girl just texted me saying:
"and ill keep my promise about not telling her"

Lose the girl you're with and switch to this chick. Your girl is gunna find out, use this as a "I know it was wrong but I just really think you're cool" to this chick and make a clean switch.

Only counts as cheating if you continue the relationship after doing it, imo. If you immediately end the relationship, not as bad.

CJSchneider · 11-16-2010, 08:35 PM

Man, I'm glad I don't have to worry about this anymore.

Go Cowboys · 11-16-2010, 09:20 PM

Exact reason to never...And I MEAN NEVER put your relationship information viewable on Facebook...

F.B.O. as we call it here can be the death of anything good and or bad.

If no F.B.O. then you could have been good to go and said you had just broke up. Or done nothing saying it was too soon. But F.B.O. gets in the way....

Just a thought.

kalbears13 · 11-16-2010, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJSchneider

Man, I'm glad I don't have to worry about this anymore.

Is she in a freezer in your basement?

BamaFalcon59 · 11-16-2010, 11:00 PM

So, I'm going out to this play tomorrow night with this girl. Extremely fine, lots of guys going after her but she's texting me and giving me some signs so I think I'm in good shape. However, I really don't want to mess this up. Just talked to her on the phone for like ten, and although it wasn't too awkward I definitely hung up feeling like an idiot.

Am I overthinking things? Any tips for the date?

Sportsfan486 · 11-16-2010, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BamaFalcon59

So, I'm going out to this play tomorrow night with this girl. Extremely fine, lots of guys going after her but she's texting me and giving me some signs so I think I'm in good shape. However, I really don't want to mess this up. Just talked to her on the phone for like ten, and although it wasn't too awkward I definitely hung up feeling like an idiot.

Am I overthinking things? Any tips for the date?

Meh, pretty par to feel like an idiot after the first couple phone calls. Definitely overthinking things, although I don't suggest long phone calls before a first or second date 'cuz you don't have a good feel for the person.

Just play it cool, if things are going well invite her for ice cream or something after as you won't really get a chance to talk if you're going to a play.

*edit* Also, getting her drunk and secretly video taping her giving a BJ for future blackmail is always a strong play.

BamaFalcon59 · 11-16-2010, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sportsfan486

Meh, pretty par to feel like an idiot after the first couple phone calls. Definitely overthinking things, although I don't suggest long phone calls before a first or second date 'cuz you don't have a good feel for the person.

Just play it cool, if things are going well invite her for ice cream or something after as you won't really get a chance to talk if you're going to a play.

Yeah I don't usually call her, she just told me she had been crying and was stressed because she got lost or something. So I figured a text wouldn't really do.

And yeah I might do that. I told her I wanted to see her one on one, we're always around people, and she was like yes :) I'd like that very much :). So I think if I just go about business I'll be alright.

KobeBryant833 · 11-16-2010, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BamaFalcon59

Yeah I don't usually call her, she just told me she had been crying and was stressed because she got lost or something. So I figured a text wouldn't really do.

And yeah I might do that. I told her I wanted to see her one on one, we're always around people, and she was like yes :) I'd like that very much :). So I think if I just go about business I'll be alright.

Blackmail is always great to use.

Sportsfan486 · 11-16-2010, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KobeBryant833

Blackmail is always great to use.

Yeah and all you really need is a good 10-second clip with her face clearly in view. I usually like to have them say something so their voice is on there, not like I just slipped in a BJ double.

bsaza2358 · 11-17-2010, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thefalconer

we've talked and she's totally understanding but i'm still bothered by it nonetheless y'know? it's not an old friend or a *** guy but an upperclassman who i just hear good stuff about. imma try and work it out. unless bsaza says otherwise of course.

This is an interesting situation, but it can be resolved via open and honest communication with your gf. Fact is that there is a void in your relationship that he is filling, probably on the order of him listening and responding to her. It is pretty clear that you are not fulfilling her need for emotional security because she is seeking it elsewhere. While it may be nothing now, that kind of connection can lead to additional drifting and the end of your relationship.

The easy way out of this is to just dump her. However, usually the hard choice is the correct one. Invest time with her to recapture her trust and become that resource for her. You need to ask her why she is going to him and note that it makes you uncomfortable that she doesn’t involve you in that aspect of her life. You need to then listen to what she has to say about why she made that decision and also ask and listen to her needs. If you can and want to meet that need, make the offer that you will be more attentive and open and available. That puts the ball in her court. Then it is on her to communicate effectively and put you in that role. If you cannot and do not want to meet that need, you need to end the relationship. If she is unwilling to make you her #1 go to for these items and you cannot live with that answer, you need to end the relationship.

Go into the conversation with no hang-ups and no expectations. Just listen to what she has to say and what she needs, then respond based on that. Stay in a present mindset. Don’t let your ego get in the way.