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Old 01-19-2011, 05:57 PM    (permalink
Vikes99ej
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That was a strange night. A girl from one of my classes last semester who had had my eye on walked by me in a bar last night and started a conversation with me. She was asking weird questions like "what is your dream job" and who my favorite teacher in our major was. We talked for a good 15 minutes (I was looking for a reason to bump and go off with my buds, just to leave it on a good note), and she eventually said one of her friends was calling her phone. I told her we should get drinks or something next week and got her number. She seemed pretty excited. I might call her on Tuesday or Monday or something.
I finally manned up and called her today. She didn't know who I was at first but once I told her I was in her class she was like "oh haha it's all good". I was going to see if she wanted to get some drinks tomorrow, and she said it's her birthday and she was going out with all of her friends. I have class early Friday, and I kind of wanted a more 1 on 1 setting, so I suggested Friday at like 5 pm (so it won't be so busy), and she was down for that.


What did I just do?
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:00 PM    (permalink
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Vikes. She accepted. Analysis paralysis play boy. Don't over think it, just meet her up, have a few drinks, have someone be your escape rope and tell someone to call you in an emergency in case the conversation isn't going too well. If everything is going well, then just go with the flow. It's a friday, and it'll take you into the evening, so you could definitely keep her all night with you if it works.


Good job man.
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:08 PM    (permalink
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Vikes. She accepted. Analysis paralysis play boy. Don't over think it, just meet her up, have a few drinks, have someone be your escape rope and tell someone to call you in an emergency in case the conversation isn't going too well. If everything is going well, then just go with the flow. It's a friday, and it'll take you into the evening, so you could definitely keep her all night with you if it works.


Good job man.
I think the actual "date" (idk if that's what I should call it) will go over smoother than the phone call. God I ******* hate doing those.

I don't think I should be too worried. I'm a funny guy, and I know I've made this girl laugh in class a bunch of times. Should be interesting. At least I have a day to prep myself.
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:31 PM    (permalink
MetSox17
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Yeah, make sure you show her interest so she doesn't think you're just a funny guy that could be a cool friend. Be the funny cool guy that she wants to ****.
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Old 01-21-2011, 02:47 PM    (permalink
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Welp, she shaded on me. Sent me a text today saying "____! I'm so sorry! My mom out of nowhere sent me tickets to Vegas!! We can schedule another time if you like" I kind of figured it would happen. I wasn't even sure if liked this girl, I just wanted to see if I could actually do something like this. I'm not devastated or anything, but it's gonna bother me in the back of my mind for a little bit.

Oh well. I'm just gonna get **** faced this weekend and hit on some chicks. Buck Fitches, Make Money
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Old 01-21-2011, 04:30 PM    (permalink
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It's whatever, i mean if she really does go to Vegas you can't argue that. Whenever she's back just ask her again, if she flakes out then just delete her number and scratch her off the list.
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Old 01-21-2011, 06:01 PM    (permalink
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It's whatever, i mean if she really does go to Vegas you can't argue that. Whenever she's back just ask her again, if she flakes out then just delete her number and scratch her off the list.
Yup, that's pretty much it.
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Old 01-21-2011, 06:42 PM    (permalink
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Why is it that I just assume she made up an excuse? Am I just being paranoid?
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Old 01-21-2011, 06:43 PM    (permalink
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Why is it that I just assume she made up an excuse? Am I just being paranoid?
because you expect to get rejected.
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Old 01-21-2011, 06:48 PM    (permalink
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be an asshole towards her, and every other girl.
this should be the answer to every question on this thread, no?
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Old 01-21-2011, 07:01 PM    (permalink
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Why is it that I just assume she made up an excuse? Am I just being paranoid?
Because a good percentage of the time, this will be the case. However, if she truly does go on a trip, you can't sit there and kick yourself for it. If she leaves, but offered to re-schedule, then hit her up when she comes back. But go out and do your thing in the meanwhile.
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Old 01-21-2011, 10:02 PM    (permalink
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That is a pretty wild excuse to get out of a date with you... Either she's delusional, or she's going to Vegas. Drop her a text next week and ask how her trip was. Ask if she won enough to treat you to drinks.

Stop expecting bad stuff to happen. The lack of confidence is shockingly horrific.
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Old 01-21-2011, 10:25 PM    (permalink
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Would anyone do well with giving step-child advise?? I've got a situation and am looking just for some opinions.

I know this is mainly dating advice but I figured I would ask. Anybody interested??
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Old 01-21-2011, 10:30 PM    (permalink
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Would anyone do well with giving step-child advise?? I've got a situation and am looking just for some opinions.

I know this is mainly dating advice but I figured I would ask. Anybody interested??
My parents divorced when I was young and both remarried so...maybe?
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Old 01-21-2011, 10:39 PM    (permalink
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OK, well this is me being the step-parent.

My fiancee has a 15 year old daughter. Well, recently we found out she was sneaking around with a 21 yr old guy. So I found his ass on FB and messaged him. Basically telling him I would put his ass in jail if he continued this and to back off immediately. Well that night, apparently, he broke it off.

He, of course, told her that it was my doing. So she hated me. Told me all of these hateful things. Blah blah blah. I didn't really care beause I knew I did the right thing.

Well that happened on a Tuesday night. The weekend following she had a soccer tournament. We (my fiancee and I) were still going even though she told us mulitple times not to come because she didn't want to see us. Well her team ended up winning the whole thing and she got MVP. She didn't really talk to us the entire tournament but when she won MVP, she came running over and like jumping up and down and being all excited. So she was talking to us from that point.

Well since that point, her and I have had some really good conversations about guys and other things. She has since called me her step-dad for the first time and said she loved me.

Okay, obviously I love this child like she was my own. And I'm wondering if her change in attitude and opinion of me is because they have gotten back together, just more secretly, or if she realized the error in her ways and that I was just being that, a dad, and doing the right thing.

I know she is 15 and I won't fully trust her really for a while because that is how kids are but some people are telling me she is acting this way because they got back together quietly. I just have this feeling she is not doing that. #1 because I don't feel he is THAT stupid, hopefully. And #2, all of our convos since the soccer weekend have felt genuine.

Thoughts??
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Old 01-21-2011, 11:00 PM    (permalink
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As someone who teaches 14-15 year olds, I can't say I'd trust her to do the right thing. However, that's a generalization of a cynic, so take it as you will.
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Old 01-21-2011, 11:06 PM    (permalink
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Seems like your in the clear. I don't think secretly getting back together would be a reason for the attitude change.
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Old 01-21-2011, 11:25 PM    (permalink
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That is what I was thinking as well. Even if they did get back together, why wouldn't she still hate me for trying to break them apart.

And most of my reasoning behind thinking they haven't gotten back together is because I made it quite clear he would see the inside of a jail cell if I found out he kept it up. I mean, that would be ******* stupid if he kept going after her.

Of course, I pay her cell bill and know his #, so I will be checking on things like that. Her dad is buying her a car soon and he is getting a parental GPS thing for all of our phones. So, we are going to be keeping close tabs on her.

******* kids. And semi-adults who are pedophiles.
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:57 AM    (permalink
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It's whatever, i mean if she really does go to Vegas you can't argue that. Whenever she's back just ask her again, if she flakes out then just delete her number and scratch her off the list.
Shouldn't even have to do that. I wouldn't call her back. I would expect her to call me back. From the story I've heard it didn't seem like they hit if off that great in the first place. She didn't even remember who he was when he called and it appeared he had to into extra detail over the phone to remind her who he was. And then the Vegas thing comes up. Just doesn't seem worth the effort.
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:03 AM    (permalink
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OK, well this is me being the step-parent.

My fiancee has a 15 year old daughter. Well, recently we found out she was sneaking around with a 21 yr old guy. So I found his ass on FB and messaged him. Basically telling him I would put his ass in jail if he continued this and to back off immediately. Well that night, apparently, he broke it off.

He, of course, told her that it was my doing. So she hated me. Told me all of these hateful things. Blah blah blah. I didn't really care beause I knew I did the right thing.

Well that happened on a Tuesday night. The weekend following she had a soccer tournament. We (my fiancee and I) were still going even though she told us mulitple times not to come because she didn't want to see us. Well her team ended up winning the whole thing and she got MVP. She didn't really talk to us the entire tournament but when she won MVP, she came running over and like jumping up and down and being all excited. So she was talking to us from that point.

Well since that point, her and I have had some really good conversations about guys and other things. She has since called me her step-dad for the first time and said she loved me.

Okay, obviously I love this child like she was my own. And I'm wondering if her change in attitude and opinion of me is because they have gotten back together, just more secretly, or if she realized the error in her ways and that I was just being that, a dad, and doing the right thing.

I know she is 15 and I won't fully trust her really for a while because that is how kids are but some people are telling me she is acting this way because they got back together quietly. I just have this feeling she is not doing that. #1 because I don't feel he is THAT stupid, hopefully. And #2, all of our convos since the soccer weekend have felt genuine.

Thoughts??
Wait, why is this your concern? Shouldn't the mom be handling this? I mean, if I was a kid around her age I wouldn't want some new stepdad or whatever coming in and trying to run my ****. Not a good way to make me happy.

I understand you are doing the guardian thing, which is cool I guess, but at the same time why are you stepping in first and foremost and trying to solve the problem yourself? If she wants to be with the guy she's going to find a way to be with him. Did your fiancee ask you to come save the day or something? If not, I'd probably give advice to the 15 year-old and tell her I don't believe it's a good idea, but that's about it. Not sure if I would go as far as threatening the guy...unless he was really jeopardizing the safety of the girl.
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Old 01-22-2011, 10:42 AM    (permalink
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Ok, so I was talking to this pretty sexy chick back in my home town. She was texting me like full paragraphs and **** and it was going good. Then I just didn't get a response after one of the texts, and it's been a little bit.

Do I be that guy to text her again, or just say **** it?
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Old 01-22-2011, 11:13 AM    (permalink
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Ok, so I was talking to this pretty sexy chick back in my home town. She was texting me like full paragraphs and **** and it was going good. Then I just didn't get a response after one of the texts, and it's been a little bit.

Do I be that guy to text her again, or just say **** it?
You say **** it. It's a test. Make her come after you. Don't give up the power until after you hit that, then do as you please.
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Old 01-22-2011, 11:13 AM    (permalink
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Wait, why is this your concern? Shouldn't the mom be handling this? I mean, if I was a kid around her age I wouldn't want some new stepdad or whatever coming in and trying to run my ****. Not a good way to make me happy.

I understand you are doing the guardian thing, which is cool I guess, but at the same time why are you stepping in first and foremost and trying to solve the problem yourself? If she wants to be with the guy she's going to find a way to be with him. Did your fiancee ask you to come save the day or something? If not, I'd probably give advice to the 15 year-old and tell her I don't believe it's a good idea, but that's about it. Not sure if I would go as far as threatening the guy...unless he was really jeopardizing the safety of the girl.
Why isn't a legitimate threat of jail sufficient? I don't really see a problem with what terribletowel did.
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Old 01-22-2011, 11:19 AM    (permalink
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Wait, why is this your concern? Shouldn't the mom be handling this? I mean, if I was a kid around her age I wouldn't want some new stepdad or whatever coming in and trying to run my ****. Not a good way to make me happy.
Not sure if I would go as far as threatening the guy...unless he was really jeopardizing the safety of the girl.
He's marrying the mother. He said he loves her like his own daughter. It's not random mom's boyfriend here, it's the step-dad.

And jesus, never have kids if you think making them happy is at all involved in your decision making process. Your goal as a parent is to A) keep the brat alive until they move out; B) keep them from doing anything too stupid; C) setting them up as best you can to be a functioning adult. Giving them what they want and letting them do whatever they think will make them happy isn't part of the arrangement.

It's a 21 year old creep trying to get with a 15 year old, it's illegal for a reason.

I'm not sure you have a reason to be too suspicious. If her attitude changed suddenly during the game, it's not like she secretly met up DURING the game with him, right? It's more likely she was just genuinely happy and realized she couldn't really backtrack from being all giddy to being "I HATE YOU, YOU RUINED MY LIFE" without being a complete brat. If you threatened the dude and he broke it off asap and she knows you can see her phone stuff, it's either over or they're both really ballsy and stupid.
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Old 01-22-2011, 11:19 AM    (permalink
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You say **** it. It's a test. Make her come after you. Don't give up the power until after you hit that, then do as you please.
She probably won't text him back so I say wait like a week or two then try texting her again.

If you still get the same cold shoulder then pack it up and move on.
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