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Old 08-27-2013, 05:17 PM    (permalink
Bengals78
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Me reading the Kal story:


WOOO congrats Kal!

but then.....
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Originally Posted by kalbears13 View Post
EDIT: No, the girl is not Emma Watson.
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Old 08-27-2013, 05:20 PM    (permalink
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I genuinely feel happy for Kal. What the ****.

Stop making me feel stuff Kal!
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Old 08-27-2013, 06:11 PM    (permalink
bsaza2358
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Lol. I doubt it would ever be a problem because I haven't/wouldn't be with anyone that is petty and controlling. Manipulating behaviour is the one thing I can't stand. It's not about critiscising, it's about being in a relationship with a person that is on your wavelength; I don't think there's a much more important thing if you want a successful relationship. If your minds aren't the same, eventually you're either going to upset her or end up tiptoeing around her (from what you previously said it sounded like you're doing the latter) and I don't want to do either. Hence me just not being with someone like that in the first place. And i'm confused. You made it seem like you couldn't tell your wife how she could lose weight because it would upset her and she'd get mad. But it's because you wanted to help her get to the conclusion herself? The first is the thing I had a problem with. Again, **** being in a relationship with someone like that. And it's not about a doormat that I could abuse. It's ridiculous you'd say that in the first place considering you don't know me at all and if you did you'd know that i'm nothing like that.
Apparently, I'm a glutton for punishment because here we go again. I'll try to put this in simple concepts for you:

My wife is unhappy with her appearance. She is not obese, but she would be a ton hotter if she lost 10-15 lbs.

I am not so insecure that I feel a need to try to control her behavior. She is 30 and can come to her own conclusions.

She got upset with her appearance and said something to me about it, so I challenged her to do something about it. She is doing it, but not in the way that I prefer. That is okay, as she has to decide to make those changes or else it will not be a more permanent change. She wants to change, but my telling her how to do something when she has a master's in health and nutrition is not going to go over very well.

My putting pressure on her to change her workout is going to come off as overbearing. Knowing her as I do and knowing that she is sensitive about feeling "fat", my suggesting these kinds of changes would go over about as well as your commentary in this thread.

My way of doing things involves a lot of time and effort and a lot of intense weight-bearing exercises. I also have a different metabolism, so pretty much any workout I do results in my looking shredded pretty quickly.

Just because I am showing patience and not opening my mouth, it doesn't mean I'm not frustrated that she is not doing things the way I would want her to do it. So, I express my frustration via this anonymous web portal.

My wife is absolutely on my "wavelength", whatever that means. She was fortunate enough to not have to work out too much to stay fit in the past. Now that she is 30, she has realized that she cannot eat and drink whatever and not work out regularly if she wants to stay in the shape she desires.

In conclusion, I'm trying to keep her motivated towards her goals without creating doubt and stress and anxiety that could lead to backsliding. She is down almost 4 lbs in the last 2-3 weeks, and she is feeling good. I decided to jump on that momentum and suggest more weights when she was in a good mood, and she was receptive to doing more classes at the gym. Picking my spot to have the conversation resulted in a positive result for her with no hard feelings or arguments. I'd call that a win
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Old 08-27-2013, 06:49 PM    (permalink
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bsaza2358 View Post
Apparently, I'm a glutton for punishment because here we go again. I'll try to put this in simple concepts for you:

My wife is unhappy with her appearance. She is not obese, but she would be a ton hotter if she lost 10-15 lbs.

I am not so insecure that I feel a need to try to control her behavior. She is 30 and can come to her own conclusions.

She got upset with her appearance and said something to me about it, so I challenged her to do something about it. She is doing it, but not in the way that I prefer. That is okay, as she has to decide to make those changes or else it will not be a more permanent change. She wants to change, but my telling her how to do something when she has a master's in health and nutrition is not going to go over very well.

My putting pressure on her to change her workout is going to come off as overbearing. Knowing her as I do and knowing that she is sensitive about feeling "fat", my suggesting these kinds of changes would go over about as well as your commentary in this thread.

My way of doing things involves a lot of time and effort and a lot of intense weight-bearing exercises. I also have a different metabolism, so pretty much any workout I do results in my looking shredded pretty quickly.

Just because I am showing patience and not opening my mouth, it doesn't mean I'm not frustrated that she is not doing things the way I would want her to do it. So, I express my frustration via this anonymous web portal.

My wife is absolutely on my "wavelength", whatever that means. She was fortunate enough to not have to work out too much to stay fit in the past. Now that she is 30, she has realized that she cannot eat and drink whatever and not work out regularly if she wants to stay in the shape she desires.

In conclusion, I'm trying to keep her motivated towards her goals without creating doubt and stress and anxiety that could lead to backsliding. She is down almost 4 lbs in the last 2-3 weeks, and she is feeling good. I decided to jump on that momentum and suggest more weights when she was in a good mood, and she was receptive to doing more classes at the gym. Picking my spot to have the conversation resulted in a positive result for her with no hard feelings or arguments. I'd call that a win
Well personally, I couldn't stand being in a relationship like that, but to each their own. It's not about control, it's about being equal. If I had a similar situation where I was trying to lose weight, but it wasn't working to the desired effect and my girlfriend told me to do something else, i'd take her advice on board and wouldn't get upset or angry about it. And i'd want my girlfriend to do the same. This is what I mean by being on the same wavelength, etc.
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Old 08-27-2013, 06:54 PM    (permalink
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Too bad the world isn't perfect or works in a vacuum or you might just be on to something SP.
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that's because we're the only animal capable of getting it from other animals. the day a goat can milk cows, it will.
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Old 08-27-2013, 07:00 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by killxswitch View Post
Pics or GTFO.

But congrats.
This. If you're gonna boast about pumping some top tier broad full of your goo, you need to post pics. That should be a rule for this thread.
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I heard that Sylvester Stallone wrote The Expendables with The Alex in mind. He had to keep it realistic though and split The Alex's abilities into multiple characters. Stallone thought that critics would pan it for being too far-fetched if he just had one character effing everyone up.
The end. Cut to black. Audience goes ****ing ape****.
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Old 08-27-2013, 07:00 PM    (permalink
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Nothing has to be perfect. I don't get this perception that every single female on the planet is some sort of crazy manipulative *****. It's far from the truth.
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Old 08-27-2013, 07:01 PM    (permalink
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This. If you're gonna boast about pumping some top tier broad full of your goo, you need to post pics. That should be a rule for this thread.
It is a rule in this thread!
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Old 08-27-2013, 07:02 PM    (permalink
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It is a rule in this thread!
And that guy didn't post pics after that long ass story? Holy crap, what an outlaw.
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I heard that Sylvester Stallone wrote The Expendables with The Alex in mind. He had to keep it realistic though and split The Alex's abilities into multiple characters. Stallone thought that critics would pan it for being too far-fetched if he just had one character effing everyone up.
The end. Cut to black. Audience goes ****ing ape****.
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Old 08-27-2013, 08:40 PM    (permalink
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Well personally, I couldn't stand being in a relationship like that, but to each their own. It's not about control, it's about being equal. If I had a similar situation where I was trying to lose weight, but it wasn't working to the desired effect and my girlfriend told me to do something else, i'd take her advice on board and wouldn't get upset or angry about it. And i'd want my girlfriend to do the same. This is what I mean by being on the same wavelength, etc.
I put the facts and my assessments in as clear English as I could, and we don't see eye to eye. Good to know that there is 1 guy out there who won't try to go after my wife...

Some of the issues here are mine. She might not be trimming up as quickly as I would like. Sure, she would like to see faster progress, but I'm also projecting quite a bit.

Finally, you apparently aren't overweight or trying to lose weight. For me, it's always been easy to do, but I have friends who struggle with it. My metabolism is very high, and I push the intensity strongly. Others aren't at that level, including my wife. It is what it is, and I need to learn to be more patient.

This is the relationship advice thread. Your advice seems to be that I should get a divorce. Point taken
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Old 08-27-2013, 08:41 PM    (permalink
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I put the facts and my assessments in as clear English as I could, and we don't see eye to eye. Good to know that there is 1 guy out there who won't try to go after my wife...

Some of the issues here are mine. She might not be trimming up as quickly as I would like. Sure, she would like to see faster progress, but I'm also projecting quite a bit.

Finally, you apparently aren't overweight or trying to lose weight. For me, it's always been easy to do, but I have friends who struggle with it. My metabolism is very high, and I push the intensity strongly. Others aren't at that level, including my wife. It is what it is, and I need to learn to be more patient.

This is the relationship advice thread. Your advice seems to be that I should get a divorce. Point taken
My advice, ignore the 15 year old who thinks you can just tell a woman (especially one you plan on having sex with) to lose weight.
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Old 08-27-2013, 08:43 PM    (permalink
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To me, a good relationship involves communication and listening. An understanding of tact and when to communicate in a certain way can also be incredibly helpful. In my recent situation, I held my tongue because I decided that my opinion would only create added stress and be completely unhelpful. By sitting back, I allowed her to have some success, then timed the communication in such a way that it was heard, understood, and accepted easily.

If I had pushed through just because I had a thought, it might have been a disaster and resulted in a huge fight. By waiting a few weeks, I avoided the fight, and I got her to listen.
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Old 08-27-2013, 08:44 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by Bengals78 View Post
My advice, ignore the 15 year old who thinks you can just tell a woman (especially one you plan on having sex with) to lose weight.
She wants to lose weight. She is working very hard with her food choices and regular exercise. I have my own thoughts on how much exercise is appropriate, but I cannot force those on her. All that will create is resentment on both sides.
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Old 08-27-2013, 08:44 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by bsaza2358 View Post
To me, a good relationship involves communication and listening. An understanding of tact and when to communicate in a certain way can also be incredibly helpful. In my recent situation, I held my tongue because I decided that my opinion would only create added stress and be completely unhelpful. By sitting back, I allowed her to have some success, then timed the communication in such a way that it was heard, understood, and accepted easily.

If I had pushed through just because I had a thought, it might have been a disaster and resulted in a huge fight. By waiting a few weeks, I avoided the fight, and I got her to listen.
You did it right.
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Old 08-27-2013, 08:45 PM    (permalink
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She wants to lose weight. She is working very hard with her food choices and regular exercise. I have my own thoughts on how much exercise is appropriate, but I cannot force those on her. All that will create is resentment on both sides.
Absolutely.
You are doing good. You will both be better for it.
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Old 08-27-2013, 09:06 PM    (permalink
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thanks guys

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See what happens when you stop being a wuss and create your own destiny by being more proactive and assertive? You could have been banging her for 3 years by now if you weren't such a *****... :)
I honestly think it worked out for the best this way.

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Wait so is she one of the very few attractive engineer women or are kal's standards just extra low due to being constantly surrounded by engineers.
She's a physics major.

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I think we need pics
IRC
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Old 08-28-2013, 05:38 AM    (permalink
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This is the relationship advice thread. Your advice seems to be that I should get a divorce. Point taken
Lol, where did I say that? All I said was that personally I wouldn't like it. There is no right or wrong answer.

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My advice, ignore the 15 year old who thinks you can just tell a woman (especially one you plan on having sex with) to lose weight.
Again, where did I say that? His wife wants to lose weight and he wants to tell her how. Completely different. This isn't about being with someone that will just take abuse, it's about being with someone that isn't stupidly unreasonable.
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Old 08-28-2013, 08:16 AM    (permalink
killxswitch
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Let's have this conversation again in 5 years SP.
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Old 08-28-2013, 10:14 AM    (permalink
bsaza2358
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I'm clearly a glutton for punishment because I wasted time defending my actions with a kid who doesn't yet understand tact and not causing a fight for no reason.

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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Old 08-28-2013, 01:30 PM    (permalink
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I'm clearly a glutton for punishment because I wasted time defending my actions with a kid who doesn't yet understand tact and not causing a fight for no reason.

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Bringing up that i'm a "kid" (i'm 18 years old, lol) and then you go on the act like a kid. This is actually hilarious how annoyed you're getting about what i'm saying. I'm not asking you to defend yourself, i'm just stating my opinion. And i've already said to each their own, etc. If you're perfectly fine with whatever happend, GOOD FOR YOU. Or you could act like a 6 year old and call me an idiot for not agreeing with you. And apparently you still don't understand what i'm saying. You handled the situation to avoid an argument, which was the right thing to do. Well done? Again, i'm not insulting what you did. All i'm saying is that personnelly i wouldn't like it. And you're telling me i'm an idiot for thinking that? As I said, hilarious.
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Old 08-28-2013, 01:36 PM    (permalink
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Let's have this conversation again in 5 years SP.
The conversation about me not enjoying being around unreasonable people? My opinion on that isn't going to change and why should it?

Or the conversation about me wanting to avoid unreasonable people? I don't know, if I dislike it, trying to avoid it seems like the logical thing to do.

Or the conversation about it being impossible to find a female that is not like that? Which is absolute ********, so I don't see the point of having that conversation at all.

Which one?
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Old 08-28-2013, 01:37 PM    (permalink
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SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.SuperPacker is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.
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Double postttttt
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Old 08-28-2013, 01:40 PM    (permalink
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You are either going to change your opinion or you are going to be alone. Or maybe you'll be *** eventually. But even then you are not going to find a partner that thinks with the exact same brand of "logic" that you do.
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Old 08-28-2013, 01:47 PM    (permalink
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You are either going to change your opinion or you are going to be alone. Or maybe you'll be *** eventually. But even then you are not going to find a partner that thinks with the exact same brand of "logic" that you do.
Okay, well this is absolute ********. I know/have been with girls that aren't completely unreasonable. You're making it into something it's not. I'm not saying I won't ever be with a girl if she doesn't have the same opinion as me on every single subject matter ever. It's like someone saying "i will only be with Asian chicks" and then you saying "okay well prepared to be alone or *** for your whole life".
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Old 08-28-2013, 02:56 PM    (permalink
bsaza2358
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What you will learn as you go through life is that your wants and needs will change. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Adding a little tact and clear communication can be an incredibly effectively weapon. So can understanding your own wants and needs in a clear and present manner. No one is perfect, and even someone you love and adore can annoy you. Believe me, I'm sure I'm no prize all the time.

Everyone has their own BS, and you need to learn to decide if you can deal with it, manage it, ignore it, or walk away from it. All of this comes from life experience and being with the wrong person, making mistakes, getting hurt, and learning from those situations.

It is easy to sit behind a computer and say "that's crap" or "I would never". The reason folks are getting frustrated with you is that you are showing your naivete with your responses and not providing guidance based on your own experience. You haven't been through what I have, so it's hard for me to respect your very blunt and very decisive conclusions based on limited information.
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