Originally Posted by Brent
"No, Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama."
second favorite character.
Jack Donaghy: Lemon, come here - you've got to see this. It's a video of a baby panda sneezing. Sit here.
[Liz sits and Jack starts the video]
Jack Donaghy: Don't watch the mother; just watch the baby.
Liz Lemon: Oh, that is the cutest thing I've ever seen!
Jack Donaghy: Isn't that adorable? You have to fire ten percent of your staff.
Liz Lemon: What?
Jack Donaghy: We have to synergize backward overflow.
Jack: Kenneth, I really wasn't going to fire you, I just wanted to remind you that I could. I want you back here at six in the morning sharp so you can sweep up these shrimp tails.
Kenneth Parcell: Yes sir, Mr. Donaghy!
Jack: I have my eye on you Kenneth.
Kenneth Parcell: You will not be disappointed sir.
Liz Lemon: Well it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." And, although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct.
[Kenneth unlocks his bike and they watch him happily ride away]
Jack: In five years we'll either be working for him, or dead at his hand.
Jack: [implying that mood affects the performance of his employees and that Liz always seems to be unhappy] Human contact is important, Lemon. I can tell from your stress level that you've not been touched in any way for quite some time. Not caressed. Not massaged. Not even groped on the subway. Do you agree that you need someone in your life, Lemon?
Liz Lemon: No. I have bigger things to worry about than my personal life.
Jack: I would think that the single woman's biggest worry would be choking to death in her apartment.
Jack Donaghy: Banks is no slouch: He pioneered the concept of ten-second internet sitcoms.
Jack Donaghy: I want you on this, Lemon. Those jokes you wrote for my Mitt Romney fundraiser, they were top-notch.
Liz Lemon: Those weren't jokes! That was an appeal for a return to common sense and decency.
Jack Donaghy: Well, they got big laughs.
Jack Donaghy: Good God; Devon is ***. He's even more powerful than I thought.
I should probably stop but:
Liz Lemon: I thought Tracy was getting here at noon.
Jack: Movie stars move at their own pace, Liz. We have to accommodate him.
Liz Lemon: Yeah, well, a lot of people are still upset about Tracy joining the show.
Jack: Well, that's not my problem. I have other things on my plate. You hear about that chemical factory explosion outside of Colorado Springs?
Liz Lemon: No...
Jack: I'm back Lemon. I've had the most productive summer of my life.
Liz Lemon: Me Too!
Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits. America's Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than a Dog, MILF Island.
Liz Lemon: Milf Island?
Jack: Twentyfive super hot moms. Fifty eighth grade boys. No rules.
Liz Lemon: Oh yeah. Didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring milf.