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Old 11-17-2010, 10:54 AM    (permalink
bsaza2358
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Originally Posted by BufFan71 View Post
damn. I just cheated on my GF

i feel pretty bad, we had gotten over a lot in the past month and have worked on communicating better
i got locked out of my house, and a girl i knew drove by and saw me and decided to keep me company...
Donít totally buy your story. You were still angry at your gf for whatever has happened in the past month or even before that. You were in a place where there was available poon, and you took it. Your lack of self control was based around your uncertainty in your relationship and your desire to be with new tang. You might feel guilty, but this was likely bound to happen. It could be that youíre not ready for a serious relationship, so youíre trying to sabatoge. It might be that youíre ready for something new. It might be you ďgetting evenĒ. Either way, your relationship was in trouble before and it is in just as much trouble now. You are not getting something from your current gf. If you were getting what you needed, you wouldnít have made out with the other chick.

Sit down and think about your relationship and if itís worth saving. Are you with your current gf out of a sense of obligation? Like youíve been together 2 years and you owe her staying together longer? Are you really happy in your current relationship? Is the current gf one that you need to have as your mate? Are you happier in the relationship with this girl than you are single? If you canít say for sure that the current gf is what you want, just end it. Donít make any mention of the cheating. If you decide that she is what you want and need in your life, donít mention the cheating and work to communicate and make the relationship better. And donít cheat anymore.
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Old 11-17-2010, 10:55 AM    (permalink
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Yeah I don't usually call her, she just told me she had been crying and was stressed because she got lost or something. So I figured a text wouldn't really do.

And yeah I might do that. I told her I wanted to see her one on one, we're always around people, and she was like yes :) I'd like that very much :). So I think if I just go about business I'll be alright.
You have played it perfectly. Plan a nice simple date and take it slow. Keep things relaxed and active. Bowling is a good date this time of year. Usually pretty cheap. Have some booze/wine at your place and a movie ready to go. Suggest you guys have something to drink and watch the movie. Then get to business. You are in there like swimwear, I think.
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Old 11-17-2010, 11:31 AM    (permalink
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Would you guys ever bang one of your best friend's ex?
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Old 11-17-2010, 11:32 AM    (permalink
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This is an interesting situation, but it can be resolved via open and honest communication with your gf. Fact is that there is a void in your relationship that he is filling, probably on the order of him listening and responding to her. It is pretty clear that you are not fulfilling her need for emotional security because she is seeking it elsewhere. While it may be nothing now, that kind of connection can lead to additional drifting and the end of your relationship.

The easy way out of this is to just dump her. However, usually the hard choice is the correct one. Invest time with her to recapture her trust and become that resource for her. You need to ask her why she is going to him and note that it makes you uncomfortable that she doesnít involve you in that aspect of her life. You need to then listen to what she has to say about why she made that decision and also ask and listen to her needs. If you can and want to meet that need, make the offer that you will be more attentive and open and available. That puts the ball in her court. Then it is on her to communicate effectively and put you in that role. If you cannot and do not want to meet that need, you need to end the relationship. If she is unwilling to make you her #1 go to for these items and you cannot live with that answer, you need to end the relationship.

Go into the conversation with no hang-ups and no expectations. Just listen to what she has to say and what she needs, then respond based on that. Stay in a present mindset. Donít let your ego get in the way.
we've talked and she's let me know that i come first with her but that she's not simply gonna stop being friends with the guy. which i completely understand. i'm gonna tell her about what you said-- that she can come to me. i'm confident things will work out and yeah, i really gotta get over my pride.
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Old 11-17-2010, 11:46 AM    (permalink
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Would you guys ever bang one of your best friend's ex?
I would do it out of spite if I was on bad terms already. Otherwise probably leave it alone. I don't like drama.
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Old 11-17-2010, 11:46 AM    (permalink
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Would you guys ever bang one of your best friend's ex?
Nope. I've started walking down that path once and it ruined the relationships with both of them. Granted the girl was an idiot but now I still won't even get close to a friend's ex or current girlfriend.
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Old 11-17-2010, 11:48 AM    (permalink
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we've talked and she's let me know that i come first with her but that she's not simply gonna stop being friends with the guy. which i completely understand. i'm gonna tell her about what you said-- that she can come to me. i'm confident things will work out and yeah, i really gotta get over my pride.
Note that I never said that you should demand that the friendship end. It is healthy for people to have friendships. However, if you guys are going to have a healthy and meaningful relationship, you need to put her first and make sure she knows it. This isn't a matter of priority. This is a matter of you providing her the security and attentiveness that she needs to trust you. You fell short for some period of time with her, so you need to continue to make the effort to be there for her. Caveat: You need to be there for her on healthy terms. If she has issues with codependency, etc., you are not required to just enable her problems.
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Old 11-17-2010, 12:33 PM    (permalink
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Note that I never said that you should demand that the friendship end. It is healthy for people to have friendships. However, if you guys are going to have a healthy and meaningful relationship, you need to put her first and make sure she knows it. This isn't a matter of priority. This is a matter of you providing her the security and attentiveness that she needs to trust you. You fell short for some period of time with her, so you need to continue to make the effort to be there for her. Caveat: You need to be there for her on healthy terms. If she has issues with codependency, etc., you are not required to just enable her problems.
i never demanded it because it is unreasonable and i don't want to be that kind of a boyfriend. even though deep down, i wouldn't mind it at all if he went away. i think this all just made me value her more and it's been sort of a reality check. i've been taking her for granted and not being completely emotionally supportive so that's something i'm gonna work on.
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Old 11-17-2010, 12:52 PM    (permalink
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Don’t totally buy your story. You were still angry at your gf for whatever has happened in the past month or even before that. You were in a place where there was available poon, and you took it. Your lack of self control was based around your uncertainty in your relationship and your desire to be with new tang. You might feel guilty, but this was likely bound to happen. It could be that you’re not ready for a serious relationship, so you’re trying to sabatoge. It might be that you’re ready for something new. It might be you “getting even”. Either way, your relationship was in trouble before and it is in just as much trouble now. You are not getting something from your current gf. If you were getting what you needed, you wouldn’t have made out with the other chick.

i will admit, i still do think about the whole situation that happened a month ago, but ive been working on getting past it.
I realized that after kissing that girl and hanging out with her, it just isnt the same as the time i spend with my G/f. And that i wanna be with her even more than i though
And i really do care a lot about my current girlfriend, and to be honest, this past weekend we had together might have been the best weekend we've spent hanging out together in the past 6 months.
I will it is tough sometimes... im always busy with school, work, sports etc, that i really only get to see her during the weekends. Id like to spend more time with her, but it literally is impossible.
Aside from the one incident a month ago (that we discussed) she really is a great girlfriend. She doesnt nag, doesnt ***** and complain, she lets me continue to live my life, shes caring, and etc
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Old 11-17-2010, 12:54 PM    (permalink
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Perhaps you should tell us about this incident. Might have more to say at that point.
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Old 11-17-2010, 01:02 PM    (permalink
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Yeah BUF, i think its time to let her go.






how do you guys approach a girl who is with her friends @ a party. Do you guys just talk to her or do you keep her friends in the convo
Avoid her and talk to her friends first. Make jokes or good convo and earn their respect then slowly include the girl you want to talk to in the conversation. After this isolate the lone girl who should have the approval of her friends and work your magic.
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Old 11-17-2010, 01:08 PM    (permalink
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Perhaps you should tell us about this incident. Might have more to say at that point.
which incident? the one with my girlfriend (that we discussed through PM's)

or last night?
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Old 11-17-2010, 01:20 PM    (permalink
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I didn't recognize your SN. Yes, that situation was messy, but you should be past it. You have the trust issues, but you need to recognize when you're going overboard and reel yourself back in. It is fine for you to not be happy with the fact that she is not trusting you with some of this information. You need to communicate and make sure that you have enrolled her in your life and you have enrolled yourself in hers.
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Old 11-17-2010, 07:11 PM    (permalink
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Yeah BUF, i think its time to let her go.






how do you guys approach a girl who is with her friends @ a party. Do you guys just talk to her or do you keep her friends in the convo
This one's always been tough for me. Mainly because it's hard to focus on just the one, or the fat/ugly/both one will try to **** block and make you hers.

Last weekend, I was out with a couple friends and some girl from out of town we met at our regular spot. I accidentally hit some chick with a chair, and somehow ended up talking to her friend (being clumsy works for me somehow). Her other friend comes back from the shitter and gets included in the convo, then the friend I hit with a chair comes over, too. Sure, it was all going well, but unless I was going to land a 4-way with 3 hot chicks, I was in bad territory if I wanted to get any of them (really didn't care). So I call one of my friends over and things start getting sorted out... Until someone mentions that there's a guy with an Australian accent at the bar... Mo-ther-fu-ck-er. That old bastard cum smuggler... I'll get my revenge on all of Australia soon! I'll hit all of Australia's women with chairs, and take them back to America. **** yeah!
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Old 11-17-2010, 07:15 PM    (permalink
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This one's always been tough for me. Mainly because it's hard to focus on just the one, or the fat/ugly/both one will try to **** block and make you hers.

Last weekend, I was out with a couple friends and some girl from out of town we met at our regular spot. I accidentally hit some chick with a chair, and somehow ended up talking to her friend (being clumsy works for me somehow). Her other friend comes back from the shitter and gets included in the convo, then the friend I hit with a chair comes over, too. Sure, it was all going well, but unless I was going to land a 4-way with 3 hot chicks, I was in bad territory if I wanted to get any of them (really didn't care). So I call one of my friends over and things start getting sorted out... Until someone mentions that there's a guy with an Australian accent at the bar... Mo-ther-fu-ck-er. That old bastard cum smuggler... I'll get my revenge on all of Australia soon! I'll hit all of Australia's women with chairs, and take them back to America. **** yeah!
Australian accent guys for the MEGAAA WINNNNNN!
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Old 11-17-2010, 07:59 PM    (permalink
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Would you guys ever bang one of your best friend's ex?
I'd bang my best friend's current girlfriend. When I told him that, he was a bit shocked, but after I explained, he understood fully. Now I'd never initiate anything with her, but the way I see it, if she comes onto me, I owe it to myself and to him to go through with it. The benefits are twofold: First, I get to bang an attractive girl. Second, I get to tell him firsthand that his girlfriend is an untrustworthy cheater and that he should get rid of her right away. I don't see how anyone could argue against this logic.

In any case, sure, I'd check with him first, but I'd never mind if my friend banged my ex.
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Old 11-17-2010, 08:15 PM    (permalink
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Would you guys ever bang one of your best friend's ex?
never. not now, not ever.
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Old 11-17-2010, 08:38 PM    (permalink
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never. not now, not ever.
Depends on the terms of the break up and the relationship. Never pass up a chance to be Eskimo Brothers unless there's a good reason.
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Old 11-17-2010, 09:11 PM    (permalink
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Would you guys ever bang one of your best friend's ex?
Nope. I really wanted to one time too, but you can't go there.
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Old 11-17-2010, 11:57 PM    (permalink
Sportsfan486
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Alright, so. I've got a date for this Saturday with this super hot chick who I met while hanging out with some buddies. Couple good and bad points.

Good - She's hot. She's a redhead. She's got a bangin' body. We seem to click conversationally. She's impressed by me.

Bad - We've already had three long phone conversations that have eliminated all of the typical first date chatter. I broke my own rule of avoiding this situation. Need to be creative. Also, when we made the date she specified "I have to work early the next day, though" which I'm interpreting as "you'll be lucky to even get significant gropage." She lives about 35-40 minutes away from me; not ideal.

She's more of an actual girlfriend interest than a chick I just want to **** and randomly hang with, which has been my thing since I got ****** over by the last chick I seriously dated. Should be interesting. Better be successful, I'm really ******* my budget by dropping an easy $200 on this date. Also, this place better make a mean ******* martini.

Since I'm ridiculously bored, I'll be sure to fill you all in on the details. And if it looks like things aren't going well, I'll try to get some tit pics to share.

Also, anyone miss when a date consisted of spending like $20 with a movie, popcorn, soda combined? Maybe $25-26 if you got ice cream after? I'm overly fancy but I can't remember the last time I dropped less then a hundred on a date. Even takeout sushi, beer, and a redbox DVD nearly hits that here in Seattle. It's sickening.
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Old 11-18-2010, 12:05 AM    (permalink
Caddy
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Originally Posted by Sportsfan486 View Post
Alright, so. I've got a date for this Saturday with this super hot chick who I met while hanging out with some buddies. Couple good and bad points.

Good - She's hot. She's a redhead. She's got a bangin' body. We seem to click conversationally. She's impressed by me.

Bad - We've already had three long phone conversations that have eliminated all of the typical first date chatter. I broke my own rule of avoiding this situation. Need to be creative. Also, when we made the date she specified "I have to work early the next day, though" which I'm interpreting as "you'll be lucky to even get significant gropage." She lives about 35-40 minutes away from me; not ideal.

She's more of an actual girlfriend interest than a chick I just want to **** and randomly hang with, which has been my thing since I got ****** over by the last chick I seriously dated. Should be interesting. Better be successful, I'm really ******* my budget by dropping an easy $200 on this date. Also, this place better make a mean ******* martini.

Since I'm ridiculously bored, I'll be sure to fill you all in on the details. And if it looks like things aren't going well, I'll try to get some tit pics to share.

Also, anyone miss when a date consisted of spending like $20 with a movie, popcorn, soda combined? Maybe $25-26 if you got ice cream after? I'm overly fancy but I can't remember the last time I dropped less then a hundred on a date. Even takeout sushi, beer, and a redbox DVD nearly hits that here in Seattle. It's sickening.
I like this guy.
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Old 11-18-2010, 12:26 AM    (permalink
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Nope. I really wanted to one time too, but you can't go there.
What about your best friend's brother's ex?
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Old 11-18-2010, 01:20 AM    (permalink
Cicero
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Originally Posted by Sportsfan486 View Post
Alright, so. I've got a date for this Saturday with this super hot chick who I met while hanging out with some buddies. Couple good and bad points.

Good - She's hot. She's a redhead. She's got a bangin' body. We seem to click conversationally. She's impressed by me.

Bad - We've already had three long phone conversations that have eliminated all of the typical first date chatter. I broke my own rule of avoiding this situation. Need to be creative. Also, when we made the date she specified "I have to work early the next day, though" which I'm interpreting as "you'll be lucky to even get significant gropage." She lives about 35-40 minutes away from me; not ideal.

She's more of an actual girlfriend interest than a chick I just want to **** and randomly hang with, which has been my thing since I got ****** over by the last chick I seriously dated. Should be interesting. Better be successful, I'm really ******* my budget by dropping an easy $200 on this date. Also, this place better make a mean ******* martini.

Since I'm ridiculously bored, I'll be sure to fill you all in on the details. And if it looks like things aren't going well, I'll try to get some tit pics to share.

Also, anyone miss when a date consisted of spending like $20 with a movie, popcorn, soda combined? Maybe $25-26 if you got ice cream after? I'm overly fancy but I can't remember the last time I dropped less then a hundred on a date. Even takeout sushi, beer, and a redbox DVD nearly hits that here in Seattle. It's sickening.
Seattle? Where are you going for your date?
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Old 11-18-2010, 02:01 AM    (permalink
Sportsfan486
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Seattle? Where are you going for your date?
She lives in ******* Auburn so we're going to Tacoma. The stench should really help the mood. Usually I take dates to sushi restaurants 'cuz getting plastered off sake on first dates is the only thing that makes them worth doing, but she is allergic to ******* iodine. So I'm taking her to Pacific Grill and ordering a ******* dirty vodka martini.

Plus it's a well known fact that when the waiter or bartender asks you what you'd like to drink and you look at the chick you're with and say "Kettle one martini.. dirty" and wink, you're getting laid.
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Old 11-18-2010, 08:59 AM    (permalink
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Sports, I don’t see any of these negatives. 3 good phone conversations is a positive thing. It means there is compatibility, at least on some level. You learned that she’s allergic to iodine and were able to plan a better date for her because of that. There’s nothing to worry about on the convo end. Just ask her questions based on what you already know and let her chatter, then ask her more questions based on her chatter. You have done this a million times already.

My take is that you actually like this girl and want it to go well. Indicators: You’re travelling to meet her. You care that she has a place where she can eat and feel comfortable. You went out of your own comfort zone by talking to her on the phone 3x. You’re trying to create reasons why it might go wrong, so you can rationalize a bad date after the fact. Nothing wrong with being excited about the redhead. Don’t delude yourself.

As a rule, I learned early on that most first dates really suck, so it’s better to avoid taking them to dinner. I tended to go to bars with good restaurants or coffee places near restaurants, so I could then control whether or not I sprung for dinner. You know as well as I do that you know if it’s worth it 20 minutes into a date. Why not start with just investing in drinks? Now, for this girl, you’ve already established a connection. She is a rare case where you want to take her to dinner to start with. However, you don’t HAVE to go to the $200+ dinner on the first date. You could stick to the $100 plan if you wanted to. You happened to write “this girl is impressed by me”. That means you are trying to convey that you are an impressive person. You are splurging on her with the hopes of getting laid. However, just because you’re driving 20-30 minutes and are going to drop $200, it doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything. Don’t get bitter if she doesn’t put out. In fact, I respect this girl if she doesn’t put out on the first date (or even the second and third) and makes you work. Seems to me that you know you’re not getting any and are okay with playing it a different way. Sounds like you haven’t had a challenge in a good while.

As I said, this girl seems different than the hood rats I assume you slay on the regular. You are trying hard, and I respect that. Just try to keep it about her and not your ego. Good luck and post some tit pics regardless!
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