Relationship Advice Thread - Page 281

MetSox17 · 09-13-2011, 11:02 PM

Yeah, you definitely don't need her feeling like you're putting more pressure on her than she already has. Like you said, she hasn't had the greatest history in her prior encounters, so she's completely justified in pacing herself with you. You need to try and get your mind off of whether you feel the relationship is progressing at the pace you would ideally like, as it is not up to you. Bringing it up to her attention might make her feel you're unhappy with where you're at and it could cause more harm than anything.

Just my $.02

killxswitch · 09-14-2011, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosebud

See I don't want to rush her on this. It hurts that I don't feel she trust me, but it's something I can deal with if all she needs is time to see that I'm really not going to mistreat her and hurt her.

Just remember that her feelings are not more important or valid than yours. If you think giving her some time will help, do it. But don't be too passive about it if it does not improve with time. You don't deserve to pay the price for what some other asshole has done to her in the past.

bearsfan_51 · 09-14-2011, 11:11 AM

To be fair, I think this bears repeating, a few months really isn't that long of a time.

I don't want to cast judgement because I don't know you, but if you can't go a few months without knowing the most intimate aspects of her life, you might have some insecurity or trust issues too. Sometimes we want people to give everything to us right away because it makes us feel more secure ourselves (i.e. I met her kid so now she's less likely to leave me)

Rosebud · 09-14-2011, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bearsfan_51

To be fair, I think this bears repeating, a few months really isn't that long of a time.

I don't want to cast judgement because I don't know you, but if you can't go a few months without knowing the most intimate aspects of her life, you might have some insecurity or trust issues too. Sometimes we want people to give everything to us right away because it makes us feel more secure ourselves (i.e. I met her kid so now she's less likely to leave me)

Agreed, it's not a big issue for me, or at least wouldn't have been if not for some of the things she's said about guys that set me off worrying about whether she thought that way about me to or whether she made an exception for me. Since this my first normal relationship, one where I started datig the girl before we were friends or boning, I have been freaking myself out over things that I know I shouldn't be the instant I actually verbalize them or think them through.

bearsfan_51 · 09-15-2011, 10:58 AM

Just relax and be a good dude. If she doesn't like that, fudge her.

djp · 09-27-2011, 03:45 PM

Is it wrong/selfish that I don't want one of my best friends to date one of my girlfriend's best friends? I just don't want to blur the line between my friends and my girlfriend that much. Then, if that sours, I have to hear about the problems from both my buddy and my girlfriend via her friend. It's already annoying enough that they have a "thing". I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have nothing to hide from past relationships or anything like that, so I don't really know what it is that bothers me so much about it

A Perfect Score · 09-27-2011, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djp

Is it wrong/selfish that I don't want one of my best friends to date one of my girlfriend's best friends? I just don't want to blur the line between my friends and my girlfriend that much. Then, if that sours, I have to hear about the problems from both my buddy and my girlfriend via her friend. It's already annoying enough that they have a "thing". I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have nothing to hide from past relationships or anything like that, so I don't really know what it is that bothers me so much about it

I've been in this exact situation before. When I started dating my ex, she obviously brought her friends around more and more, and one of my buddies started dating her best friend. Naturally, everything was ok when their relationship was ok, but as soon as things got rocky between the other couple, all of a sudden I was hearing about it from all angles. Definitely annoying and I absolutely sympathize, but at the same time they're grown ups and are entitled to do whatever the hell they want to. It was even more annoying when the other couple broke up before we did, that was a pain in the ass too.

Hines · 09-27-2011, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djp

Is it wrong/selfish that I don't want one of my best friends to date one of my girlfriend's best friends? I just don't want to blur the line between my friends and my girlfriend that much. Then, if that sours, I have to hear about the problems from both my buddy and my girlfriend via her friend. It's already annoying enough that they have a "thing". I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have nothing to hide from past relationships or anything like that, so I don't really know what it is that bothers me so much about it

I'd be more worried about trying to compete with the best friend. Like, if your best friend does something better than you, and your gf notices, that could bring problems. Personally, if they want to date, it's none of your business, but I can understand why you wouldn't like that.

bearsfan_51 · 09-27-2011, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djp

Is it wrong/selfish that I don't want one of my best friends to date one of my girlfriend's best friends? I just don't want to blur the line between my friends and my girlfriend that much. Then, if that sours, I have to hear about the problems from both my buddy and my girlfriend via her friend. It's already annoying enough that they have a "thing". I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have nothing to hide from past relationships or anything like that, so I don't really know what it is that bothers me so much about it

Of course it's selfish. It's also totally logical.

killxswitch · 09-28-2011, 08:26 AM

I understand the reasons but there's nothing you can do about it. Just make it known early that you aren't getting involved in any relationship drama.

djp · 09-29-2011, 01:47 PM

Thanks. We will see what happens. Hopefully it all blows over within a couple weeks or so. Just so annoying right now.

BlindSite · 10-02-2011, 02:27 AM

Met someone friday night who had a sister my mate chatted up, really cool chick who I actually had a really good conversation with, one of the first times that's happened with someone I wasn't friends with. Taking her to dinner on wednesday night.

eaglesalltheway · 10-04-2011, 07:13 AM

Alright... Someone needs to help me find the logic in this, if there is any (Dealing with a female, so there already is almost no hope)...

What would cause a chick who I have never met to message me on FB, straight off the bat say we should hang out (I asked her number, could tell right away that's where it was going), then after no less than three texts, proceed to tell me she is down for anything when we get back to her place? And then after proceeding to tell me all of this, cancel last minute the first night, reschedule for the next night, then cancel last minute, reschedule for the next night, then not repond at all on the third night?

The funny thing is, I don't really care, I've never met this chick at all. I haven't texted her since yesterday. I just don't know whether or not I'm going to send a sarcastic text asking if its even worth trying to get together some other time, or just not ever even text her, but I'm thinking either are valid options at this point, lol.

Caddy · 10-04-2011, 07:20 AM

Sounds like a practical joke...

bearsfan_51 · 10-04-2011, 07:31 AM

Bitches be crazy.

eaglesalltheway · 10-04-2011, 07:45 AM

I mean, I guess its possible, what the **** do I know, lol.

I just highly doubt that's it. I've talked with her on FB a few times before (she always started it up) and could tell she was interested (never got her number or anything because I was with another chick before), and I can tell just by the texts that it wouldn't be a joke. Not that I'd even really care if it was, besides the wasted time. I'm going out with my nieghbor, nothing official really, which is why I even wasted my time texting this one.

Which brings up something else, me and my neighbor are going up to Penn State this weekend, and we're staying with her friends at her old apartment up there, and she's already joking saying how I might just be able to take advantage of her this weekend because of the drinking we'll be doing. I haven't done anything with this chick, but this weekend is looking positive for me, lol.

georgiafan · 10-04-2011, 07:55 AM

Sounds like its either one of your mutual friends playing a joke on you are she is just wanting the attention from another guy. Your not out anything so I'd see where it goes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by eaglesalltheway

Alright... Someone needs to help me find the logic in this, if there is any (Dealing with a female, so there already is almost no hope)...

What would cause a chick who I have never met to message me on FB, straight off the bat say we should hang out (I asked her number, could tell right away that's where it was going), then after no less than three texts, proceed to tell me she is down for anything when we get back to her place? And then after proceeding to tell me all of this, cancel last minute the first night, reschedule for the next night, then cancel last minute, reschedule for the next night, then not repond at all on the third night?

The funny thing is, I don't really care, I've never met this chick at all. I haven't texted her since yesterday. I just don't know whether or not I'm going to send a sarcastic text asking if its even worth trying to get together some other time, or just not ever even text her, but I'm thinking either are valid options at this point, lol.

Caddy · 10-04-2011, 07:55 AM

Does she have a lot of fb friends and/or mutual friends?

kalbears13 · 10-04-2011, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eaglesalltheway

Alright... Someone needs to help me find the logic in this, if there is any (Dealing with a female, so there already is almost no hope)...

What would cause a chick who I have never met to message me on FB, straight off the bat say we should hang out (I asked her number, could tell right away that's where it was going), then after no less than three texts, proceed to tell me she is down for anything when we get back to her place? And then after proceeding to tell me all of this, cancel last minute the first night, reschedule for the next night, then cancel last minute, reschedule for the next night, then not repond at all on the third night?

The funny thing is, I don't really care, I've never met this chick at all. I haven't texted her since yesterday. I just don't know whether or not I'm going to send a sarcastic text asking if its even worth trying to get together some other time, or just not ever even text her, but I'm thinking either are valid options at this point, lol.

Once I read "Someone help me find logic..." in a post in the relationship advice thread, I stopped reading it. You're not going to find any logic about women.

BlindSite · 10-05-2011, 02:50 AM

kal is right, don't bend to her plans, tell her straight up just to come to your place. If she doesn't then move on, if she does then **** her.

eaglesalltheway · 10-05-2011, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caddy

Does she have a lot of fb friends and/or mutual friends?

Not really (400-some I think) and not a lot of mutual friends... I haven't heard from her, and don't really care enough to even see what's going to happen since I've had plans with this other chick for a while (that we've actually done, lol) that I actually do give a **** (probably more, if I'm being truthful) about, so yeah, most of my focus has always been on her, so I really am not out anything, georgiafan.

I know there are a few people who were or are Penn state students on here, and on the off chance any of you mofos see this, what really is there to do in state college? I was only ever there once, and it was just for the game, so I'm relying mostly on this chick for things to do besides the game. Any good bars I should be made aware of or anything relatively awesome?

Ravens1991 · 10-11-2011, 10:17 PM

Does anyone have any experience approaching girls in your class? I have heard people say dont do it but I dont see what the problem is.

bearsfan_51 · 10-11-2011, 10:18 PM

I used to, but then the dean told me to stop.

Brent · 10-11-2011, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bearsfan_51

I used to, but then the dean told me to stop.

ah, the forbidden fruit.

kalbears13 · 10-11-2011, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ravens1991

Does anyone have any experience approaching girls in your class? I have heard people say dont do it but I dont see what the problem is.

There is no problem. There's really no fall out (i assume you go to a college with at least 2,000 students) It's just hard to approach them. It's honestly not that hard, just sit near them and then ask for a pencil or something or ask if they did the homework and then ask them if they're ready for the quiz or whatever then tell them that you don't understand anything or something along those lines and then ask if she wants to study together. It's not that hard. Sadly for me I'm an engineer so there's one girl in the class and she looks like vikes with a dead cat for a wig. ;)