Relationship Advice Thread - Page 47

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 12:07 PM

So there's this girl in my psychology class this semester that is pretty attractive and seems really cool but she's really shy. She was in my English class last semester but we sat way far apart and I had no interest in talking to her because of other situations at the time. I've tried to get a reaction out of her a couple times but she isn't giving me anything to work with. Anyone know any good ice breakers? I've tried the whole "is this seat next to you taken?" routine and was pretty successful but in my class its tough to socialize because its mostly note taking and only twice a week. Anyone have any ideas on how I should approach her? I'm usually pretty good with these situations but I dont see her often and when I do its not for long so I need something quick and effective.

Brent · 03-03-2009, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

So there's this girl in my psychology class this semester that is pretty attractive and seems really cool but she's really shy. She was in my English class last semester but we sat way far apart and I had no interest in talking to her because of other situations at the time. I've tried to get a reaction out of her a couple times but she isn't giving me anything to work with. Anyone know any good ice breakers? I've tried the whole "is this seat next to you taken?" routine and was pretty successful but in my class its tough to socialize because its mostly note taking and only twice a week. Anyone have any ideas on how I should approach her? I'm usually pretty good with these situations but I dont see her often and when I do its not for long so I need something quick and effective.

Did you not try talking to her before or after class?

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brent

Did you not try talking to her before or after class?

The class is 9:30 in the morning and I get there just before the class starts and it ends at 10:57. I have another class that starts at 11 in another building. Its a tight schedule. I would if I had the time but lates are counted against my grade.

someone447 · 03-03-2009, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsaza2358

I would think that most of the advice that we give to these kids is that these girls are not the girls of their dreams. However, attacking a guy for having intense feelings will not help the situation. You have to slowly and rationally work these things out. It's completely useless to be a jerk to someone in need of help.

It's just that there are only two situations people ask for advice for.

First: "I am in love with my friend, but she doesn't love me!!! What do I do?!?!?"

and

Second: "I am in high school and it is my girlfriends birthday, I love her so much and am going to marry her, what do I get her for her birthday?!?!?"

What our generation doesn't understand is that, we aren't special. You aren't a unique and special snowflake, I'm not a unique and special snowflake. Very, very, very few people are. Unless you constantly have people outside of your friends and family telling you how smart or special you are, YOU AREN'T! Yes, the names and the exact situations may be different, but the overall situation is exactly the same. You can apply any of the advice we have given in this thread to just about every situation that will happen to a high schooler, hell, even to a college aged person.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 12:14 PM

Yeah, I'd approach her after class and invite her to get coffee. Get to know her. Show some balls. She doesn't seem to be aggressive (perhaps a sign of disinterest). You need to find out where you stand? Make a move.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by someone447

What our generation doesn't understand is that, we aren't special. You aren't a unique and special snowflake, I'm not a unique and special snowflake. Very, very, very few people are. Unless you constantly have people outside of your friends and family telling you how smart or special you are, YOU AREN'T! Yes, the names and the exact situations may be different, but the overall situation is exactly the same. You can apply any of the advice we have given in this thread to just about every situation that will happen to a high schooler, hell, even to a college aged person.

I'm not really part of the current HS generation, where everyone gets a trophy, and it's all about self esteem over reality. Poor parenting, IMO. Kids need to take their lumps at some time.

Brilliant point, though. A rare +rep from me!

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

The class is 9:30 in the morning and I get there just before the class starts and it ends at 10:57. I have another class that starts at 11 in another building. Its a tight schedule. I would if I had the time but lates are counted against my grade.

Okay, so you sack up, get to class early, go over to her and get her # and make plans.

Brent · 03-03-2009, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

The class is 9:30 in the morning and I get there just before the class starts and it ends at 10:57. I have another class that starts at 11 in another building. Its a tight schedule. I would if I had the time but lates are counted against my grade.

Then make the effort to show up early. If she is also there early, then you start showing up early each day as that is your opportunity.

Vikes99ej · 03-03-2009, 12:20 PM

I agree with these guys. I would approach her before class if she gets there before you do.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 12:33 PM

Exactly. If you're really committed to getting this girl out or getting to know her, you'll close it out and get it done. Stop sitting back and waiting.

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 01:10 PM

Not really sitting back and waiting but more so don't know what to say. I've talked to her before but only for a couple minutes at a time but not to the point where I could say I actually know her. The toughest part is knowing what to say to a girl that has such a shell. She's quiet and reserved, not just to me but I've noticed it in both classes I've had with her. Getting there a little bit earlier seems a lot easier than it is. I'm up late doing homework and it takes 15 minutes to get there. I can approach her, that's no big deal. I just don't know what to say. We've had small talk and I've never led her on because of certain situations before so I'm not sure how to approach a girl that's so conservative. Most of the girls I've talked to are more outgoing. You can say this is my first shy one and quite frankly, I'm stumped.

drowe · 03-03-2009, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

Not really sitting back and waiting but more so don't know what to say. I've talked to her before but only for a couple minutes at a time but not to the point where I could say I actually know her. The toughest part is knowing what to say to a girl that has such a shell. She's quiet and reserved, not just to me but I've noticed it in both classes I've had with her. Getting there a little bit earlier seems a lot easier than it is. I'm up late doing homework and it takes 15 minutes to get there. I can approach her, that's no big deal. I just don't know what to say. We've had small talk and I've never led her on because of certain situations before so I'm not sure how to approach a girl that's so conservative. Most of the girls I've talked to are more outgoing. You can say this is my first shy one and quite frankly, I'm stumped.

yup. those can be tricky. just remember...she's probably more scared of you than you are of her.

but, really, get to class early. if it was your one time to talk, it's your best chance. if she's at all worth it, you'll get your lazy ass out of bed 10 minutes earlier.

otherwise, try a little stalking. if class is a bad place to chat, try to accidentally bump into her somewhere else. yup. sounds creepy. but can everybody honestly say they've never done something similar?

CashmoneyDrew · 03-03-2009, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drowe

yup. those can be tricky. just remember...she's probably more scared of you than you are of her.

but, really, get to class early. if it was your one time to talk, it's your best chance. if she's at all worth it, you'll get your lazy ass out of bed 10 minutes earlier.

otherwise, try a little stalking. if class is a bad place to chat, try to accidentally bump into her somewhere else. yup. sounds creepy. but can everybody honestly say they've never done something similar?

I stalk all the time drowe. Does it shock you that 80% of my encounters with women occur when they don't know I'm around at all?

GOB · 03-03-2009, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

So there's this girl in my psychology class this semester that is pretty attractive and seems really cool but she's really shy. She was in my English class last semester but we sat way far apart and I had no interest in talking to her because of other situations at the time. I've tried to get a reaction out of her a couple times but she isn't giving me anything to work with. Anyone know any good ice breakers? I've tried the whole "is this seat next to you taken?" routine and was pretty successful but in my class its tough to socialize because its mostly note taking and only twice a week. Anyone have any ideas on how I should approach her? I'm usually pretty good with these situations but I dont see her often and when I do its not for long so I need something quick and effective.

Just look for things you can strike up a general conversation about. Maybe something you can crack a joke about. The "is this seat taken" thing isn't "general" enough for her to know you're interested.

You might also want to try a "study" date. I've had some success with that in the past..

roidrunner · 03-03-2009, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

So there's this girl in my psychology class this semester that is pretty attractive and seems really cool but she's really shy. She was in my English class last semester but we sat way far apart and I had no interest in talking to her because of other situations at the time. I've tried to get a reaction out of her a couple times but she isn't giving me anything to work with. Anyone know any good ice breakers? I've tried the whole "is this seat next to you taken?" routine and was pretty successful but in my class its tough to socialize because its mostly note taking and only twice a week. Anyone have any ideas on how I should approach her? I'm usually pretty good with these situations but I dont see her often and when I do its not for long so I need something quick and effective.

I always found movies as a good ice breaker, cause everyone has a favorite. Otherwise try to be funny, but dont be too funny or she will not take you serious. Coffee is a nice way to meet a girl but it can easily lead to the friends zone, which is not what you want. Never do a lunch date. Do you know what major she is?

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GOB

Just look for things you can strike up a general conversation about. Maybe something you can crack a joke about. The "is this seat taken" thing isn't "general" enough for her to know you're interested.

You might also want to try a "study" date. I've had some success with that in the past..

Haha. I thought I was being smooth because there were clearly a bunch of seats open. "Study" dates sounds kind of cheesy, and again, I'm not sure how she would react to that because she is so reserved. I'm afraid I'd come off too strong for her and she'll react in a way I wouldn't want.

GOB · 03-03-2009, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

Haha. I thought I was being smooth because there were clearly a bunch of seats open. "Study" dates sounds kind of cheesy, and again, I'm not sure how she would react to that because she is so reserved. I'm afraid I'd come off too strong for her and she'll react in a way I wouldn't want.

Well "soooooory" for watching too much Saved By The Bell.

Seriously, i was thinking if you came to her and said you had some trouble in the class and you think she's pretty smart it could get you in.

Sometimes you have to suck it up, start up a general conversation, and ask her out. That's how I got with my fiance. And i'm the most shy guy you'd probably ever meet.

drowe · 03-03-2009, 02:32 PM

also, tj, ya gotta remember the phrase, "it's always the quiet ones." so, while she may seem reserved and conservative, she's probably into some weird fetish crap. so, whatever kind of conversation ya have with her, make sure ya sprinkle the words; 'bondage' and 'furries' around quite liberally.

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roidrunner

I always found movies as a good ice breaker, cause everyone has a favorite. Otherwise try to be funny, but dont be too funny or she will not take you serious. Coffee is a nice way to meet a girl but it can easily lead to the friends zone, which is not what you want. Never do a lunch date. Do you know what major she is?

Honestly, I have no idea. Yeah, shame on me right? She doesnt have any close friends at the school it seems or I would try to go through them. Yeah, I know that technique is risky but if she doesn't fall for you then maybe her friend will? lol
Also, I'm not a coffee drinker and I've never seen her with one. I wish I was free after this class so we could just casually go to the cafeteria or something but having a class right after puts that awkward time in between.

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drowe

also, tj, ya gotta remember the phrase, "it's always the quiet ones." so, while she may seem reserved and conservative, she's probably into some weird fetish crap. so, whatever kind of conversation ya have with her, make sure ya sprinkle the words; 'bondage' and 'furries' around quite liberally.

hahahahah. I gotta get to that point where I would find out first hand.

drowe · 03-03-2009, 02:46 PM

also, tj, ya gotta remember the phrase, "it's always the quiet ones." so, while she may seem reserved and conservative, she's probably into some weird fetish crap. so, whatever kind of conversation ya have with her, make sure ya sprinkle the words; 'bondage' and 'furries' around quite liberally.

ATLDirtyBirds · 03-03-2009, 03:05 PM

I'd just go straight for it. No more conversation needed. Ask her if she'd like to go out some time.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 03:16 PM

So far, all I'm hearing is excuses about why you haven't done it. Just approach her, say hi, ask if she wants to grab lunch on a day, get the #, and go from there. You can start talking about psych, but then you can expand from there.

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsaza2358

So far, all I'm hearing is excuses about why you haven't done it. Just approach her, say hi, ask if she wants to grab lunch on a day, get the #, and go from there. You can start talking about psych, but then you can expand from there.

Haha, you're pretty much right about the excuses part but it was just today where I thought to myself, maybe I should ask her out. It's not like it was on my mind for months. It's just that I've never really approached shy girls, I'm more into the outgoing ones naturally, and I didn't know how I should approach her but I'll just go about it just like any other girl.

Vikes99ej · 03-03-2009, 03:37 PM

So much of the stuff in here is about having the balls to just go out on a limb and put yourself out there. Something I've always had trouble doing myself.