Relationship Advice Thread - Page 48

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vikes99ej

So much of the stuff in here is about having the balls to just go out on a limb and put yourself out there. Something I've always had trouble doing myself.

I hear ya. That was a problem for me until about junior year in high school, I'm currently a freshmen in college. It's kind of kicked in again when I visit my friends at their colleges and stuff but it becomes easier as you mature and realize the oppurtunities you're passing up if you don't. It's a lot easier to deal with rejection than to deal with "what ifs."

I never had a doubt in my mind that I was going to ask this girl out, it was more so how I would. She was shy and I haven't had to meet shy girls on my own since high school and even then it was easier to spark up conversation because you knew everyone around you and you could kind of do it in a group setting, taking the pressure of yourself.

Vikes99ej · 03-03-2009, 03:46 PM

I think if you just use some confidence you can get around her shyness barrier. I'd try not to appear hesitant or nervous.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 03:58 PM

If she is shy and reserved, you may have problems communicating, but you can really break the ice there by just saying hi and letting her know that you know she exists. Start with that and see what she has going on. If she's not going to communicate, just drop it.

roidrunner · 03-03-2009, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

Honestly, I have no idea. Yeah, shame on me right? She doesnt have any close friends at the school it seems or I would try to go through them. Yeah, I know that technique is risky but if she doesn't fall for you then maybe her friend will? lol
Also, I'm not a coffee drinker and I've never seen her with one. I wish I was free after this class so we could just casually go to the cafeteria or something but having a class right after puts that awkward time in between.

ask her for coffee and when she says "i dont drink coffee" you can respond "neither do I" my advice is to get to know her and work from there, as creepy as it sounds, you can always look at facebook. If she does not have facebook she is probably a closest case. Also if she rejects you on a date, you can always say "its ok, i dont date lesbians." that has actually gotten me 3 dates in the past.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 04:05 PM

Here is an odd scenario on my end:

If you recall my tale of picking up the waitress, I've been really busy with work and travel, so I haven't had a chance to hit it yet. Because I've been away and such, we had been texting pretty regularly. We're talking several hundred back and forth in the last 2 weeks. I went to see her at work this past Wednesday, and we hung out chatting and having a beer afterwards. We talked for like 2 straight hours. Good chemistry, nothing that incredible.

The next day, I went to Miami on vacation. We were still texting pretty regularly, but I was doing my bachelor party thing, so it wasn't all the time. Saturday night, we were getting ready to go to our big dinner, so I texted her to wish her a good night off. She tells me she's going out with friends, yada yada. Whatever, I'm cool with it. I have no claim. Good for her.

Since that night, she has been mostly unresponsive. For instance: My flight back was severely delayed due to the major snowstorm. When I told her about that, all I got was a "that sucks". When I told her we landed safely, I got no response. I didn't text her yesterday until like 7 just to say hi. She got back to me this morning saying she worked last night, but she had no customers.

Bottom line: I don't really care one way or another, but I'm perplexed as to why we went from immediate back and forth to essentially nothing. It doesn't add up to anything I did wrong per se. Thoughts?

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roidrunner

ask her for coffee and when she says "i dont drink coffee" you can respond "neither do I" my advice is to get to know her and work from there, as creepy as it sounds, you can always look at facebook. If she does not have facebook she is probably a closest case. Also if she rejects you on a date, you can always say "its ok, i dont date lesbians." that has actually gotten me 3 dates in the past.

Facebook is a lost cause. I already looked.. I mean, whatttttttt. I'm just gonna ask her out, I don't even know why I made a big deal out of it on here. It was mainly to shut those guys up from two pages ago.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 04:10 PM

Good! Let us know what transpires. Now, what about this situation?

Brent · 03-03-2009, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsaza2358

She tells me she's going out with friends, yada yada.

I think that was it. Either she met some other dude or she just got tired of waiting? Obviously we can't know for sure but that's my guess.

I would probably make one more attempt to go out with her or whatever and if she isn't responsive, I'd move on.

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsaza2358

Here is an odd scenario on my end:

If you recall my tale of picking up the waitress, I've been really busy with work and travel, so I haven't had a chance to hit it yet. Because I've been away and such, we had been texting pretty regularly. We're talking several hundred back and forth in the last 2 weeks. I went to see her at work this past Wednesday, and we hung out chatting and having a beer afterwards. We talked for like 2 straight hours. Good chemistry, nothing that incredible.

The next day, I went to Miami on vacation. We were still texting pretty regularly, but I was doing my bachelor party thing, so it wasn't all the time. Saturday night, we were getting ready to go to our big dinner, so I texted her to wish her a good night off. She tells me she's going out with friends, yada yada. Whatever, I'm cool with it. I have no claim. Good for her.

Since that night, she has been mostly unresponsive. For instance: My flight back was severely delayed due to the major snowstorm. When I told her about that, all I got was a "that sucks". When I told her we landed safely, I got no response. I didn't text her yesterday until like 7 just to say hi. She got back to me this morning saying she worked last night, but she had no customers.

Bottom line: I don't really care one way or another, but I'm perplexed as to why we went from immediate back and forth to essentially nothing. It doesn't add up to anything I did wrong per se. Thoughts?

Girls can get pretty moody if you get what I'm implying. I'm not a fan of texting your way into a relationship. I know you have your reasons because you've been busy and I'm not critiquing you at all. I have a friend who would rather text as a way to communicate with this girl and they have been off and on together or whatever. What my friend doesn't know is that I got with her one night because we had a little thing for each other but it wasn't serious at all and she said she got bored of him with all the texting and stuff. They still do it like a year later but the relationship is far from serious. I think if you text too much and IM or e-mail too much it takes away from seeing each other because you're telling each other everything that happens in your day through words and spread out. It takes away from the relationship. I would keep it short and sweet, like a "busy, call I you later" or something rather than narrating your daily activities and problems via text. It takes the emotional side out of the relationship because its so hard to read what kind of emotions are behind those words.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 04:16 PM

That's what I figured. I was the only game in town for a few weeks, and some dude put the moves on Saturday. The major thing here is that she works or is in class 6 days a week, and our off hours are not really compatible. I only wanted her for banging anyway. Not sure if that's her thing.

I'm not going to contact her until Friday if she doesn't write me. I can easily write her off.

Brent · 03-03-2009, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsaza2358

That's what I figured. I was the only game in town for a few weeks, and some dude put the moves on Saturday. The major thing here is that she works or is in class 6 days a week, and our off hours are not really compatible. I only wanted her for banging anyway. Not sure if that's her thing.

I'm not going to contact her until Friday if she doesn't write me. I can easily write her off.

Sounds like a good plan.

By the way, bsaza, you remind me of the character Roger from the movie Roger Dodger.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

Girls can get pretty moody if you get what I'm implying. I'm not a fan of texting your way into a relationship. I know you have your reasons because you've been busy and I'm not critiquing you at all. I have a friend who would rather text as a way to communicate with this girl and they have been off and on together or whatever. What my friend doesn't know is that I got with her one night because we had a little thing for each other but it wasn't serious at all and she said she got bored of him with all the texting and stuff. They still do it like a year later but the relationship is far from serious. I think if you text too much and IM or e-mail too much it takes away from seeing each other because you're telling each other everything that happens in your day through words and spread out. It takes away from the relationship. I would keep it short and sweet, like a "busy, call I you later" or something rather than narrating your daily activities and problems via text. It takes the emotional side out of the relationship because its so hard to read what kind of emotion is behind those words.

Okay, given her schedule and mine, calling her while she's at work is likely impossible and takes away from her business there. She's a waitress, not a professional, you know? She's also in class a lot. I'm just trying to hit it semiregularly if I can. The texts work best to communicate as of now, but that's not usually my style. Either way, the idea that she went from all the time texting to nothing was the oddity here.

The other dude theory works well here. It makes the most sense. Regardless, I have a drinks date with another girl Friday anyway. No worries.

GOB · 03-03-2009, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

Facebook is a lost cause. I already looked.. I mean, whatttttttt. I'm just gonna ask her out, I don't even know why I made a big deal out of it on here. It was mainly to shut those guys up from two pages ago.

**** goes horribly wrong when you think about something too much.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GOB

**** goes horribly wrong when you think about something too much.

Truer words were never spoken. I'm starting to overthink the waitress when she deserves nothing of the sort. The whole thing was just odd.

GOB · 03-03-2009, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

I'm not a fan of texting your way into a relationship. I know you have your reasons because you've been busy and I'm not critiquing you at all.

That's actually my situation. My fiance lives an hour away from me and we can only see each other twice a week on a good week.

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 04:41 PM

Webcams are becoming more and more popular for distanced relationships. They work wayy better than texting for obvious reasons. Nothing beats face to face interaction.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 04:42 PM

Absolutely. In my case with this girl, I don't want to go see her at work too much because that's both creepy and cash crippling. At the same time, I don't have much other choice. Walking away is always a possibility for me. I just think she's cool.

GET LOOSE · 03-03-2009, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsaza2358

Here is an odd scenario on my end:

If you recall my tale of picking up the waitress, I've been really busy with work and travel, so I haven't had a chance to hit it yet. Because I've been away and such, we had been texting pretty regularly. We're talking several hundred back and forth in the last 2 weeks. I went to see her at work this past Wednesday, and we hung out chatting and having a beer afterwards. We talked for like 2 straight hours. Good chemistry, nothing that incredible.

The next day, I went to Miami on vacation. We were still texting pretty regularly, but I was doing my bachelor party thing, so it wasn't all the time. Saturday night, we were getting ready to go to our big dinner, so I texted her to wish her a good night off. She tells me she's going out with friends, yada yada. Whatever, I'm cool with it. I have no claim. Good for her.

Since that night, she has been mostly unresponsive. For instance: My flight back was severely delayed due to the major snowstorm. When I told her about that, all I got was a "that sucks". When I told her we landed safely, I got no response. I didn't text her yesterday until like 7 just to say hi. She got back to me this morning saying she worked last night, but she had no customers.

Bottom line: I don't really care one way or another, but I'm perplexed as to why we went from immediate back and forth to essentially nothing. It doesn't add up to anything I did wrong per se. Thoughts?

I think she kinda got tired of waiting and realized your a busy man. She probably saw you guys were never going to get into a relationship with the way your schedules go.

bsaza2358 · 03-03-2009, 05:16 PM

I wasn't trying for a relationship. I was going to bang her out in the first place. Just odd that it went from constant to nada.

Brent · 03-03-2009, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsaza2358

I wasn't trying for a relationship.

She probably was.

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 08:50 PM

When you're dancing with a girl at a club, if she turns her whole body around to face you and dance after you've previously been dancing for a couple songs, does that mean she wants to get with you?

Every time a girl has done that to me, I have gotten with her but, is it like a dead give away? Is she right there asking you to get with her?

NY+Giants=NYG · 03-03-2009, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tjsunstein

When you're dancing with a girl at a club, if she turns her whole body around to face you and dance after you've previously been dancing for a couple songs, does that mean she wants to get with you?

Every time a girl has done that to me, I have gotten with her but, is it like a dead give away? Is she right there asking you to get with her?

You mean like grinding and such right? If she turns around it's probably because she wants to get close to you while dancing. I had that situation happen on saturday, and hooked up with a girl. Also, if you're going to hook up it's going to happen face to face.

NY+Giants=NYG · 03-03-2009, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsaza2358

Here is an odd scenario on my end:

If you recall my tale of picking up the waitress, I've been really busy with work and travel, so I haven't had a chance to hit it yet. Because I've been away and such, we had been texting pretty regularly. We're talking several hundred back and forth in the last 2 weeks. I went to see her at work this past Wednesday, and we hung out chatting and having a beer afterwards. We talked for like 2 straight hours. Good chemistry, nothing that incredible.

The next day, I went to Miami on vacation. We were still texting pretty regularly, but I was doing my bachelor party thing, so it wasn't all the time. Saturday night, we were getting ready to go to our big dinner, so I texted her to wish her a good night off. She tells me she's going out with friends, yada yada. Whatever, I'm cool with it. I have no claim. Good for her.

Since that night, she has been mostly unresponsive. For instance: My flight back was severely delayed due to the major snowstorm. When I told her about that, all I got was a "that sucks". When I told her we landed safely, I got no response. I didn't text her yesterday until like 7 just to say hi. She got back to me this morning saying she worked last night, but she had no customers.

Bottom line: I don't really care one way or another, but I'm perplexed as to why we went from immediate back and forth to essentially nothing. It doesn't add up to anything I did wrong per se. Thoughts?

ooo the good old " I was hot for you, but now I am cold or trying to distance myself." And usually they do with one word answers which I hate. Like everything is going good for a while, and you're talking to a girl like normal and you can say, so what's going on? How was your day today? Try to start a conversation and see writes, something back which you can't work with like, "good" and leaves it like that. Usually you're like ummm ok..

That's when you know she is A) trying to end it because she probably talked to her girlfriends and something happened where they convinced her to move on or you're not the right guy, or B) taking to long to ask her out and move on with it. Probably with your traveling and being busy with your life, she thinks that no potential in a relationship due to the distance so probably vibing off of that.

tjsunstein · 03-03-2009, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shockey+Manning=Shocking

You mean like grinding and such right? If she turns around it's probably because she wants to get close to you while dancing. I had that situation happen on saturday, and hooked up with a girl. Also, if you're going to hook up it's going to happen face to face.

Yeah, this happened to me saturday as well but I've gotten with a girl while still grinding and what not. the head over the shoulder, whisper in the ear, and go in for the kill. Worked like a charm. She turned around while we were getting with each other but still, it started when her back was to me.