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Old 03-25-2009, 07:10 PM    (permalink
someone447
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Originally Posted by ShutDwn View Post
Yo, new issue, same gal

Before spring break (4 weeks)

Pretty good time with this girl, we saw each other every day, she would come over to my room like nightly, talked a little through texts, had a physical relationship when we could due to me living in a dorm and my roommate never leaves. Hold hands sometimes, hands under the table when at dinner etc. Everything is pretty good.

Post break: (4 days now)
Okay, now, you are probably thinking "man it has been 4 damn days, shut up" and I have thought that too but just hear me out.

So, on sunday when everyone comes back from break, I don't see her at all. She doesn't respond to my text message asking if she is free. Since then I have seen her a few times, ate with her three times, always with other people, and other than eating done homework with her once. Before break she would come over all the time, last night it was like she was avoiding coming over, though she did, and I also note that her attitude went from frustrated with homework to laughing and joking. She hasn't texted me really at all, unless I text her, which still takes forever for a reply. Also, she has a new piercing (monroe) so she doesn't want to kiss cause of swelling, we still hug though. Today, I haven't heard from her, usually I eat with her and another one of our friends, but no invite.


I don't know if I am reading too much into it, or what. Basically what I want is for her to want to hangout, not have me have to ask her every time. I know I can't change it, but do you guys think she is signaling she doesn't care anymore, or is playing hard to get?

Do I keep on doing what I did pre-break? Do I try harder? Do I back off?

I haven't talked to her at all today, which is making me thing that she doesn't care.
It seems like she is pulling away. My guess? She hooked up with someone else over the break. I could be wrong, but that is the exactly what happens when a girl meets or hooks up with someone else.

My advice? Talk to her about it. Say, "Hey, what's going on?" The biggest problem younger guys have is that they refuse to talk about a problem. Just ask her whats up, and if you don't like the answer cut your losses and find a new girl.
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:19 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by someone447 View Post
It seems like she is pulling away. My guess? She hooked up with someone else over the break. I could be wrong, but that is the exactly what happens when a girl meets or hooks up with someone else.

My advice? Talk to her about it. Say, "Hey, what's going on?" The biggest problem younger guys have is that they refuse to talk about a problem. Just ask her whats up, and if you don't like the answer cut your losses and find a new girl.
WOW, you sir know what you are talking about, kudos for the good advise
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:22 PM    (permalink
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My biggest beef with just sitting down and addressing the problem is the other person will just be like "What? I had no idea that it was an issue at all", or that it was just me being really paranoid. I fear that the confrontation would just make things really weird.
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:25 PM    (permalink
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My biggest beef with just sitting down and addressing the problem is the other person will just be like "What? I had no idea that it was an issue at all", or that it was just me being really paranoid. I fear that the confrontation would just make things really weird.
In all of my occasions, after the confrontation about it we're either done then and there or everything is all good cause maybe it isnt about you..... The only way 2 make sure is asking, or get drunk with her cuz as they say "A drunk person speaks a sober mind"
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:28 PM    (permalink
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yeah let's get drunk and try to solve problems! that works all the time!



edit: post 5 K.... epic
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:29 PM    (permalink
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yeah let's get drunk and try to solve problems! that works all the time!



edit: post 5 K.... epic
The only problem I solve when I'm drunk is "Hey, I haven't smashed my head through that door yet; now seems like a good time!"
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:30 PM    (permalink
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A lot of good stuff has happened when me and lady friends get drunk. They usually pass out...

Wait, what?
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:30 PM    (permalink
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The only problem I solve when I'm drunk is "Hey, I haven't smashed my head through that door yet; now seems like a good time!"
if smashing heads through doors can save relationships, then i recommend we all get drunk!
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:33 PM    (permalink
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yeah let's get drunk and try to solve problems! that works all the time!



edit: post 5 K.... epic
I wish I could get drunk.... Im at work BOOOOOO :(
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:34 PM    (permalink
someone447
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Originally Posted by Vikes99ej View Post
My biggest beef with just sitting down and addressing the problem is the other person will just be like "What? I had no idea that it was an issue at all", or that it was just me being really paranoid. I fear that the confrontation would just make things really weird.
So you would rather just ignore it and let it fester? Get it out in the open. If it makes things weird you cut your losses and move on. Almost every relationship you have won't work out. Why waste your time on one that has problems?

As soon as problems come up you have two choices on how to deal with them like an adult, and to save everyone a **** load of drama and problems.
1) You talk about it like rational adults.
2) You end it and save everyone the heartbreak of extending a dead relationship.

Then you also have two choices on how to deal with it in an immature way, and will only cause everyone a lot of trouble further down the road.
1) You start doing whatever it is she is doing, to get back at her.
2) You ignore it and hope it goes away.
Both of those will end up in one of two results.
1) You will continue a dead end relationship until it can't take it anymore, making each person get more attached then they should be.
2) You successfully ignore it and end up marrying the girl, and the problems you ignored will eventually get so big you can't handle it anymore. But by the time you realize, you will have children and the chance of getting away will be almost nil.
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Old 03-25-2009, 07:35 PM    (permalink
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En vino veritas.
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Old 03-25-2009, 10:15 PM    (permalink
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En vino veritas.
Took me a second. There's a reason they used to say it back in the day...
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Old 03-25-2009, 11:31 PM    (permalink
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Yo, new issue, same gal

Before spring break (4 weeks)

Pretty good time with this girl, we saw each other every day, she would come over to my room like nightly, talked a little through texts, had a physical relationship when we could due to me living in a dorm and my roommate never leaves. Hold hands sometimes, hands under the table when at dinner etc. Everything is pretty good.

Post break: (4 days now)
Okay, now, you are probably thinking "man it has been 4 damn days, shut up" and I have thought that too but just hear me out.

So, on sunday when everyone comes back from break, I don't see her at all. She doesn't respond to my text message asking if she is free. Since then I have seen her a few times, ate with her three times, always with other people, and other than eating done homework with her once. Before break she would come over all the time, last night it was like she was avoiding coming over, though she did, and I also note that her attitude went from frustrated with homework to laughing and joking. She hasn't texted me really at all, unless I text her, which still takes forever for a reply. Also, she has a new piercing (monroe) so she doesn't want to kiss cause of swelling, we still hug though. Today, I haven't heard from her, usually I eat with her and another one of our friends, but no invite.


I don't know if I am reading too much into it, or what. Basically what I want is for her to want to hangout, not have me have to ask her every time. I know I can't change it, but do you guys think she is signaling she doesn't care anymore, or is playing hard to get?

Do I keep on doing what I did pre-break? Do I try harder? Do I back off?

I haven't talked to her at all today, which is making me thing that she doesn't care.
If it we're me I would just ignore her, don't text and don't pay attention to her when she's around. You leaving her alone may be what she wants but she will notice that your ignoring her and wonder why. She may even realize that she misses you.
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Old 03-25-2009, 11:36 PM    (permalink
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It seems like she is pulling away. My guess? She hooked up with someone else over the break. I could be wrong, but that is the exactly what happens when a girl meets or hooks up with someone else.

My advice? Talk to her about it. Say, "Hey, what's going on?" The biggest problem younger guys have is that they refuse to talk about a problem. Just ask her whats up, and if you don't like the answer cut your losses and find a new girl.
Ugh... I kind of thought of this too...

I have no problem talking about things, none at all. But I have been in these relationships that have made me shy about it because in my opinion at the time, nothing good happened after them. The girls have also been against it, the first one more than this one. There is just some conception among girls that talking about things is bad and everything should be done through body language or some stupid ********.

I saw her tonight, it was okay, nothing special but not bad.

I am probably going to say "What's going on, is there something I need to know about?"
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Old 03-25-2009, 11:53 PM    (permalink
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Ugh... I kind of thought of this too...

I have no problem talking about things, none at all. But I have been in these relationships that have made me shy about it because in my opinion at the time, nothing good happened after them. The girls have also been against it, the first one more than this one. There is just some conception among girls that talking about things is bad and everything should be done through body language or some stupid ********.

I saw her tonight, it was okay, nothing special but not bad.

I am probably going to say "What's going on, is there something I need to know about?"
How old are you?

Regardless of how old you are, if a girl isn't mature enough to talk about problems, she isn't worth wasting your time on. But, I'm a jaded misanthropic asshole who has absolutely no patience for people who annoy me.
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Old 03-26-2009, 01:49 AM    (permalink
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My ex and I have been talking the past few days. You know how that goes.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Old 03-26-2009, 03:23 AM    (permalink
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My ex and I have been talking the past few days. You know how that goes.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
worst. idea. ever.
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:30 AM    (permalink
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My ex and I have been talking the past few days. You know how that goes.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Yeah unless an ex is contacting me for the purpose of requesting my appendage then I don't want to talk to them. Funnily enough, I don't talk to my exes ever :(
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Old 03-26-2009, 08:29 AM    (permalink
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Yo, new issue, same gal

Before spring break (4 weeks)

Pretty good time with this girl, we saw each other every day, she would come over to my room like nightly, talked a little through texts, had a physical relationship when we could due to me living in a dorm and my roommate never leaves. Hold hands sometimes, hands under the table when at dinner etc. Everything is pretty good.

Post break: (4 days now)
Okay, now, you are probably thinking "man it has been 4 damn days, shut up" and I have thought that too but just hear me out.

So, on sunday when everyone comes back from break, I don't see her at all. She doesn't respond to my text message asking if she is free. Since then I have seen her a few times, ate with her three times, always with other people, and other than eating done homework with her once. Before break she would come over all the time, last night it was like she was avoiding coming over, though she did, and I also note that her attitude went from frustrated with homework to laughing and joking. She hasn't texted me really at all, unless I text her, which still takes forever for a reply. Also, she has a new piercing (monroe) so she doesn't want to kiss cause of swelling, we still hug though. Today, I haven't heard from her, usually I eat with her and another one of our friends, but no invite.


I don't know if I am reading too much into it, or what. Basically what I want is for her to want to hangout, not have me have to ask her every time. I know I can't change it, but do you guys think she is signaling she doesn't care anymore, or is playing hard to get?

Do I keep on doing what I did pre-break? Do I try harder? Do I back off?

I haven't talked to her at all today, which is making me thing that she doesn't care.
She does care, but she definitely hooked up with someone over spring break and feels guilty about it. You guys aren't exclusive, so it's not a huge deal to an outsider, but I'm sure she thinks it's significant and is either embarrassed or doesn't want to deal with any drama. If you want to be with her as an item, you should sit down and deal with it in time. For now, back off, don't give her any attention and see what happens. Eventually, it will all work out.

FYI, I think you will definitely push harder on this and drive her away because you care about her and want things to stay as is. Try to avoid your instincts here and just give her space. If nothing else, it will help you get over her in the event that she doesn't want to be together.
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Old 03-26-2009, 08:30 AM    (permalink
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In other news, I made a huge mistake. I slept with my ex last night. She invited me over, I went, knowing it was going to happen, and I did it. Sex was good, but I feel like crap. I hate myself right now...
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Old 03-26-2009, 09:59 AM    (permalink
ShutDwn
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She does care, but she definitely hooked up with someone over spring break and feels guilty about it. You guys aren't exclusive, so it's not a huge deal to an outsider, but I'm sure she thinks it's significant and is either embarrassed or doesn't want to deal with any drama. If you want to be with her as an item, you should sit down and deal with it in time. For now, back off, don't give her any attention and see what happens. Eventually, it will all work out.

FYI, I think you will definitely push harder on this and drive her away because you care about her and want things to stay as is. Try to avoid your instincts here and just give her space. If nothing else, it will help you get over her in the event that she doesn't want to be together.
It is a little late. Basically she says she doesn't want a boyfriend and I "clearly do."

We are going to talk about it more, I'm not going to make this a messy situation though. Just got to avoid pointing to many fingers. Thing that sucks, and I don't think she knows this, is that a lot of people said things about us, mainly her and how they didn't want her did **** with me. It was tough knowing that and trying to stay confident in her. My roommate felt like I was too good for her in a way, like I make her better.

She said I got too close, which makes me think I scared her. I am probably far and away the most stable guy she has been with. She is normally the person trying to fix the other, though I never did that, I just rubbed off on her.


I'm not going to fight this, I'm not really upset about it surprisingly, mostly cause I realize that staying in this is just prolonging the inevitable and wastes time that could be spent on someone worth my energy.
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Old 03-26-2009, 10:09 AM    (permalink
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In other news, I made a huge mistake. I slept with my ex last night. She invited me over, I went, knowing it was going to happen, and I did it. Sex was good, but I feel like crap. I hate myself right now...

Feel your pain brotha, but cliche states that it happened for a reason. Now take that as it may, but obviously both parties wanted it to happen. If this is the ex that you were deeply involved with then maybe it was just part of closure so to speak. Or maybe its unresolved feelings. Take it as someone who is recently been left by my woman after 8 months and its killing me each and every day, make a decision and stick by it no matter what. Its always easier to advise others because you can remain objective. Now you can't because of personal bias. That being said, you know whats best for you. Don't overthink the situation, nor let your heart and brain battle in a chess match.
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On another note, Nicklas Backstrom is amazingly good.
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Meanwhile, in hockey the other night, the Washington Capitals' Eric Belanger gets hit with a stick, loses EIGHT teeth, has an instant root canal in the locker room, comes back out and PLAYS and never says boo.

So new rule, NBA: Unless you have a root canal at halftime, SHUT UP AND PLAY!
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Old 03-26-2009, 10:12 AM    (permalink
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It is a little late. Basically she says she doesn't want a boyfriend and I "clearly do."

We are going to talk about it more, I'm not going to make this a messy situation though. Just got to avoid pointing to many fingers. Thing that sucks, and I don't think she knows this, is that a lot of people said things about us, mainly her and how they didn't want her did **** with me. It was tough knowing that and trying to stay confident in her. My roommate felt like I was too good for her in a way, like I make her better.

She said I got too close, which makes me think I scared her. I am probably far and away the most stable guy she has been with. She is normally the person trying to fix the other, though I never did that, I just rubbed off on her.


I'm not going to fight this, I'm not really upset about it surprisingly, mostly cause I realize that staying in this is just prolonging the inevitable and wastes time that could be spent on someone worth my energy.
Talking to her was the right call. Not only do you know what you did wrong now, and can use that information for the next time, you will probably have a relatively cordial relationship with her(which is always a good thing.)
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Old 03-26-2009, 10:13 AM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by ShutDwn View Post
It is a little late. Basically she says she doesn't want a boyfriend and I "clearly do."

We are going to talk about it more, I'm not going to make this a messy situation though. Just got to avoid pointing to many fingers. Thing that sucks, and I don't think she knows this, is that a lot of people said things about us, mainly her and how they didn't want her did **** with me. It was tough knowing that and trying to stay confident in her. My roommate felt like I was too good for her in a way, like I make her better.

She said I got too close, which makes me think I scared her. I am probably far and away the most stable guy she has been with. She is normally the person trying to fix the other, though I never did that, I just rubbed off on her.


I'm not going to fight this, I'm not really upset about it surprisingly, mostly cause I realize that staying in this is just prolonging the inevitable and wastes time that could be spent on someone worth my energy.

Best advice I can give is do you man. If this is worth pursuing then by all means, but if its not whats best for you then reevaluate. One thing I do know, you can't force a relationship you just have to let it happen. Of course a casual atmosphere will always complicate things because inevitably feelings come into the mix.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Job View Post
On another note, Nicklas Backstrom is amazingly good.
Quote:
Meanwhile, in hockey the other night, the Washington Capitals' Eric Belanger gets hit with a stick, loses EIGHT teeth, has an instant root canal in the locker room, comes back out and PLAYS and never says boo.

So new rule, NBA: Unless you have a root canal at halftime, SHUT UP AND PLAY!
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Old 03-26-2009, 10:13 AM    (permalink
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It is a little late. Basically she says she doesn't want a boyfriend and I "clearly do."
Well, I think we found your problem...
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