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Old 03-19-2009, 07:04 PM    (permalink
Rjspartan
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All Yogi Berra



You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

I don't know if it's good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto! (on the marriage of Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe)

You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you!

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.


and my favorite

"I don't know they had bags over their heads." when asked if the streakers were men or women
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Old 03-19-2009, 07:29 PM    (permalink
someone447
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Originally Posted by Rjspartan View Post
All Yogi Berra



You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

I don't know if it's good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto! (on the marriage of Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe)

You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you!

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.


and my favorite

"I don't know they had bags over their heads." when asked if the streakers were men or women
Half this game is 90% mental.
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Old 03-19-2009, 07:34 PM    (permalink
Brent
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Half this game is 90% mental.
It gets late early out here.
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Old 03-19-2009, 07:35 PM    (permalink
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More Yogi:

It gets late pretty early out here.

when you come to a fork in the road, take it.
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Old 03-19-2009, 07:39 PM    (permalink
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"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, painting, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this your work(and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery--celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: "It's not where you take things from, its where you take them to."
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Old 03-19-2009, 08:05 PM    (permalink
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"**** bitches. Get money."
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Old 03-19-2009, 08:06 PM    (permalink
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This is pure greatness at its best. I try to say this quote in math class when someone says something really dumb, but I can't top the original.
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Old 03-20-2009, 09:14 AM    (permalink
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Quote:
Originally Posted by someone447 View Post
A young woman sitting next to Calvin Coolidge at a dinner party confided to him she had bet she could get at least three words of conversation from him. Without looking at her he quietly retorted, "You lose."
I tell this to my students when we talk (briefly) about Calvin Coolidge. They never seem to find it funny.... :(
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Thanks jerks, I have an exam tomorrow and reading this lowered my IQ by 14 points. Dicks.
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Old 03-20-2009, 09:44 AM    (permalink
Brent
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Originally Posted by The_Dude View Post
I tell this to my students when we talk (briefly) about Calvin Coolidge. They never seem to find it funny.... :(
That's pretty damn hilarious.
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Old 03-20-2009, 12:40 PM    (permalink
someone447
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Originally Posted by The_Dude View Post
I tell this to my students when we talk (briefly) about Calvin Coolidge. They never seem to find it funny.... :(
I'm not sure if it is all that funny, but it is most definitely awesome.
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Old 03-20-2009, 01:54 PM    (permalink
Brent
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"Oh I get it; Romeo & Juliet, Capulus and Romulus. I been there. I'm black, she's white; I'm black, she's light-skinned black; I'm black, she's 17."
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Old 03-20-2009, 02:56 PM    (permalink
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off the top of my head

"Religion is not the opiate of the masses; religion is the placebo of the masses." Dr. House

"If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it's that you can kill anyone." Michael Corleone, The Godfather Part II

lots of stuff by Thomas Jefferson, don't got the time to look 'em up
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Old 03-20-2009, 03:57 PM    (permalink
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“It is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren, till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst and provide for it.... It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace-- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death! “
Patrick Henry

“God forbid we should ever be 20 years without such a rebellion. The people cannot be all, & always, well informed. The past which is wrong will be discontented in proportion to the importance of the facts they misconceive; if they remain quiet under such misconceptions it is a lethargy, the forerunner of death to the public liberty. We have had 13 states independant 11 years. There has been one rebellion. That comes to one rebellion in a century & a half for each state. What country before ever existed a century & half without a rebellion? & What country can preserve it's liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms. The remedy is to set them right as to facts, pardon & pacify them. What significance is a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants. It is its natural manure.”
Thomas Jefferson

"For so long as but a hundred of us remain alive, we will in no way yield ourselves to the dominion of the English. For it is not for glory, nor riches, nor honour that we fight, but for Freedom, which no good man lays down but with his life." - Declaration of Arbroath

“If you love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen.”
Samuel Adams

“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.”
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"Those of us who knew him best talk about him often; I swear, the stuff her pulled. Sometimes it makes me sad though, Andy being gone, I just have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright; and when they fly away, the part of you that knew it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice but the place you live in is that much more sad and empty that their gone. I guess I just miss my friend." - Morgan Freeman/Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding.

Andy: There are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside... that they can't get to. That they can't touch. That yours.
Red: What are you talking about?
Andy: Hope
From The Shawshank Redemption

"The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat. At length I would be avenged; this was a point definitively settled -- but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved precluded the idea of risk. I must not only punish, but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong."
The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allen Poe

"Only strong personalities can endure history: the weak are completely extinguished by it." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." - Cliff Clavin

"Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward. Whoever can not take care of himself without that law is both. For wounded man shall say to his assailant, if I live I will kill you; if I die, you are forgiven. Such is the rule of honor."- Lamb of God

"**** Heineken! Pabst Blue Ribbon!" - Dennis Hopper, Blue Velvet

"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Berry

"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
-His reply

"Everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink."
-W.C. Fields

"The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck."
-Warwick Franks
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Old 03-20-2009, 04:01 PM    (permalink
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Old 03-20-2009, 04:36 PM    (permalink
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Old 03-20-2009, 04:47 PM    (permalink
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"America's present need is not heroics, but healing; not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution, but restoration." (What does this even mean? We just went over his presidency in US History, man was he a fool)
- Warren G. Harding
You know the old saying "may you live in interesting times"? Well, Harding is saying may we will in uninteresting times. At lease thats how it looks to me.
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Old 03-20-2009, 04:57 PM    (permalink
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"I put on my wizard hat and robe"

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Old 03-20-2009, 05:01 PM    (permalink
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"I put on my wizard hat and robe"

-Blood ninja
Funny, I thought yours would be "your p**** hangs like sleeve of wizard."
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Old 03-20-2009, 05:05 PM    (permalink
Borat
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Yeah, I could post about a hundred Blood Ninja quotes. That guy is my hero.
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Old 03-20-2009, 05:40 PM    (permalink
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I love John Mckay quotes.

Q: What do you think about the execution of your team?
A: I'm all for it.

He also once said "Well, we didn't block, but we made up for it by not tackling."

He had some great oneliners like that.
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Old 03-20-2009, 06:16 PM    (permalink
TACKLE
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"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

-Kevin Spacey in Usual Suspects as Verbal Kint/Kayser Soze
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Old 03-20-2009, 07:17 PM    (permalink
7-11
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Not really a quote, but those seinfeld quotes made me think of it.

KRAMER: Well, after he heckled Toby, she got so upset, she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky toe.
GEORGE: That's unbelievable!
KRAMER: Yeah! Then after the ambulance left, I found the toe! So I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice, and took off for the hospital.
GEORGE: You ran?
KRAMER: No, I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, "I got a toe here, buddy - step on it."
GEORGE: Holy cow!
KRAMER: Yeah, yeah, then all of a sudden, this guy pulls out a gun. Well, I knew any delay is gonna cost her her pinky toe, so I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him. He says, "Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?" I said, "Well, I got a little prize for ya, buddy - " - knocked him out cold!
GEORGE: How could you do that?!
KRAMER: Then everybody is screamin,' because the driver, he's passed out from all the commotion...the bus is out of control! So, I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel and now I'm drivin' the bus.
GEORGE: You're Batman.
KRAMER: Yeah. Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to, and he starts chokin' me! So I'm fightin' him off with one hand and I kept drivin' the bus with the other, y'know? Then I managed to open up the door, and I kicked him out the door with my foot, you know - at the next stop.
JERRY: You kept makin' all the stops?
KRAMER: Well, people kept ringin' the bell!
GEORGE: Well, what about the toe? What happened to the toe?
KRAMER: Well! I am happy to say that the little guy is back in place at the end of the line.
GEORGE: You did all this...for a pinky toe?
KRAMER: Well, it's a valuable appendage.

Comic gold.
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Old 03-20-2009, 07:24 PM    (permalink
fenikz
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"Boosh!!!"
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Old 03-20-2009, 08:02 PM    (permalink
diabsoule
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"I molested myself last night. I told myself no but I knew I wanted it."
- Anonymous
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Old 03-20-2009, 09:49 PM    (permalink
themaninblack
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"They proved that if you quit smoking it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet." -Bill Hicks.

"You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. 'Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years — rrreal ******* high on drugs. The Beatles were so ******* high they let Ringo sing a few tunes."
-Bill Hicks.
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