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Old 03-28-2009, 07:42 PM    (permalink
Xiomera
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Default Top 10 Ways to make the Lions more intimidating

Hey guys, I need some help.

I need to come up with a David Letterman-style Top 10 list of rejected ways to make the Detroit Lions more intimidating next season.

They changed the logo to a more fierce looking Lion. Now I need some other ones . . . they gotta be funny. Can be about anything from the stadium, to the coaches, to the players, to the owner, to who they draft/sign, etc.

#1 on the list might be to simply WIN a game next season.


Help me out boys. Make them funny.
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Old 03-28-2009, 08:37 PM    (permalink
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Add a dick to the logo, like the old Buffalo Bills one.

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Old 03-28-2009, 08:39 PM    (permalink
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Get Cheerleaders that don't attract sex offenders.
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Old 03-28-2009, 08:45 PM    (permalink
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Jet packs, nuff said.
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Old 03-28-2009, 09:16 PM    (permalink
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Bigger Boats.
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Old 03-28-2009, 09:19 PM    (permalink
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Bigger Boats.
We're talking about the Vikings now?
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Old 03-28-2009, 09:21 PM    (permalink
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Replace the players with actual lions.
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Old 03-29-2009, 04:44 AM    (permalink
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draft rockstars and not piano men
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Old 03-29-2009, 04:46 AM    (permalink
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Move to Grand Rapids
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Old 03-29-2009, 04:47 AM    (permalink
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Add a dick to the logo, like the old Buffalo Bills one.

He... That's funny.
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Old 03-29-2009, 06:53 AM    (permalink
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Move to Grand Rapids
yes!!! the van andel holds about the same amount of fans that showed up for home games at the end of last season
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Old 03-29-2009, 07:06 AM    (permalink
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my ten ways of making the detroit lions more intimidating.
1 Clone Megatron 4 times so you have 3 of him receiving and two of him playing safety(he would be a freaking scary safety)
2 Get someone who can actually throw those three megatrons the ball
3 Give every fired auto industry guy a free ticket to a game near the player tunnel.
4 Get good coaching
5 Let all the players grow manes so they actually look like lions a bit
6 Go away from baby-blue in the teams color scheme
7 win a game
8 roar instead of bark when defense makes plays
9 hire chuck norris to play linebacker
10 bribe god
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Old 03-29-2009, 09:16 AM    (permalink
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These are good, keep them coming.

Here's a few of mine to potentially include:

- Hire Jack Bauer as head coach.
- Abandon the old team motto of "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game."
- During the season, the team will grow playoff beards like hockey players
- Use real Lions on the defensive line
- Have each player paint their face on gameday to resemble 'The Joker'
- Inflatable shoulder pads
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Old 03-29-2009, 01:08 PM    (permalink
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1) Take Ramses Barden
2) rent a big party boat
3) hire scott as a GM
4) Trade for Rex Grossman : http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/...tion-here.html
5) Make Chuck Norris middle linebacker
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Old 03-29-2009, 01:46 PM    (permalink
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Ask your opponents to wear a lookalike face of WCF.
Tell the players they can have an opportunity to kick Millen in the ass for every game they win.
Throw a player to the Lions every time the team loses and parade the unfed Lion behind the team bench as the game is played.
Don't feed the team before the game and have a buffet at the opponents end zone so they can celebrate every score by eating.
Make my avatar available for a win and I don't mean the picture.
Build a second training facility in the North Pole and place WCF in charge until the team wins a Super Bowl.
Have the team practice there every time they lose.
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Old 03-29-2009, 07:17 PM    (permalink
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Those are motivation tactics, IAC.

Maybe its impossible to make the Lions intimidating, haha.
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Old 03-29-2009, 11:26 PM    (permalink
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1) Alkaseltzer in the mouth of D-Linemen (<3 Little Giants)
2) Re-Sign Mike Williams and put an all you can eat buffet in the end zone.
3) Two Words Giant Spiders
4) Two more words Giant Snakes
5) Samuel L Jackson with his bad motha ***** Wallet and his light saber.
6) Pre game taunt and dance
7) Rocket Launchers
8) Rosanne Barr in a thong
9) Move them to Baltamore and call them the Ravens.
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Old 03-30-2009, 10:17 AM    (permalink
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10)Wins guranteed every season by idiot QB
9)Resign Ryan Nece and Paris Lenon ASAP. Then get them in touch with some baseball players to get them some tackling juice.
8)Play evey snap like Gosder Cherlius against Jared Allen(on their knees). Homophobes will be intimidated.
7)Have Raiola beat up a fan who done him wrong by telling him he sucks therefore intimidating the opponent(preferably the fan is a small child similar in size to Raiola)
6) Constantly cut and resign Aveion Cason to show the FO means business
5) Have Tatum Bell lurking around the opponent locker room during the game(they will be distracted at least)
4) More Wide outs please, preferably with a generic name like Williams or Johnson
3) Practice hard and speak of pounding the rock often
2) Show video of Stanton getting injured in practice by Lions defense
1) Go 4-0 in the preseason again

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Old 03-31-2009, 10:24 AM    (permalink
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10) Bring back Wayne Fontes as a dietitian and health consultant.
9) Instead of Offensive Tackles who can't block, use real lions
8) Home games no longer played at Ford Field. Instead play them on the Ford Freeway.
7) Posters of Matt Millen in a speedo in the opponents locker room.
6) Hire Jon Kitna as team spokesman to the media.
5) Sacrifice a big 3 executive on the 50 yard line before each game.
4) Anyone with a name like "Artose" or Paris will be given a much more menacing name like "Mongrel" or "Baby Eater".
3) Keep drafting WRs with first round picks -- other teams are libel to think the team is mad from the top down.
2) Sign Tank Johnson and have him take opposing teams clubbing in downtown Detroit the night before home game.
1) Buy a real NFL team and make them wear the Lions jerseys.
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Old 03-31-2009, 12:37 PM    (permalink
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bring in chris brown to smack around opposing quarterbacks

losses now count as wins

tell them that millen will be back unless they start winning

replace the entire team

hire michael vick as new public relations rep

hire pissed off/laid off workers from auto industry to play
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Old 03-31-2009, 07:27 PM    (permalink
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Some very funny ones came in today. Nice work.
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Old 04-01-2009, 11:10 PM    (permalink
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I've got a couple:

- rehire Marinelli and actually give him a shovel and a pick

- Hire Jon Kitna as team spiritual leader. (God is intimidating right?)

- Bring back Germane Crowell...instant boost in street cred.
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Old 04-01-2009, 11:32 PM    (permalink
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