Last night was a night I had been waiting for. I made sure to eat supper early so I could settle in undisturbed. My mom joined me as she liked the idea of the show. Typically the new season of fall television programming begins around August or September, but the good people at FOX decided to give us an appetizer with the season premier of More To Love. Using the successful premise of The Bachelor, More To Love focuses on plus sized women looking for love. Twenty women from across the United States were chosen to compete for the love of Luke, a plus sized man. After watching the first episode I have to say it was better than eating a whole pie.
The show begins with the sizzling graphic “The average size of women on a reality tv show? Size 2. The average size of the American woman? Size 14”. And we're off!
Before the show got into the raw, juicy details the network showed a preview for the movie The Time Traveler's Wife. Who would marry a Time Traveler especially if he could travel into the future? Would that not kill any notions of mystery and romance?
Back to the matters at hand. Luke (6'3", 330lbs) is a former high school football player whose favorite hobby is “to grill and eat”. That saying comes complete with a clip of him stuffing half a hamburger into his mouth. This is our lucky bachelor, ladies and gentleman. Aside from eating he is a 26 year old real estate developer who brings in a six figure income... Wait, what? That's right, in this modern economy our husky stud is still managing to bring in six figures. No wonder I didn't get the job as the star of the show! Luke's assistant for the show is Emme, the first plus-sized model to reach supermodel status who could be Brigitte Nielson's body double.
After that lovely glimpse inside Luke's life and the introduction of Brigitte's look-a-like, the girls arrive ten to a limo. The first girl out of the car was very attractive. Busty, blonde, great smile... Very nice! Of course FOX cuts to a vignette of her discussing how she had a hard time dating because guys could never come to grips with her size and how she's just looking for love. Fine and dandy but next to her name was her home town, height, and WEIGHT. Wow. Stay classy, FOX.
As each girl proceeds down the walk way to meet look he greets them with the corniest of pick up lines such as :
Girl 1 - “What kind of girl are you look for?”
Luke - “One that looks just like you.”
Girl 2 - “What's your favorite food?”
Luke - “Anything thick and juicy.”
Way to hit them with the sexual innuendos immediately, big guy. Let them know you're not playing around. This is Cool Hand Luke Time! The girls did not fare much better in the quotes category:
Natalie was quoted with this beauty: “Love is not just for the skinny girls, it's for big girls too!”
Another gem of a quote was “The way to a man's heart is through his stomach and pants... You go through the stomach first because that's what classy women do.” This came from a woman with tattoos all over her arms and back and was wearing fishnet stockings. Later on she would admonish another girl for jumping into the pool with her clothes because she hates it when people go to extremes for attention.
As more girls proceed to enter the house they are greeted by a waiter bearing wine and meat on a stick. I am still struggling with how necessary the meat on a stick was. Were the producers thinking
“We're dealing with big girls here so they like to eat. We can't have them getting antsy and nibbling on the furniture. What's something cheap we can serve that still says 'we do things classy here'?” [Pause] “Yes, you, new guy!” “Umm... Meat on a stick?” “Absolute genius!”
Their idea did seem to work much to my chagrin. The girls did not help their cause by centering the majority of the conversations around food. Second behind food was love, and almost right behind love was sex. Some of these women had not been on dates in years, some not at all.
The central theme seems to be that these curvaceous beauties have put timetables on when they should find love. Obviously none have found it because they are on the show but in most of the vignettes the girls are crying because they “just want someone to love me for me”. That's quite understandable but nothing to get that upset about. Your team losing the Super Bowl? Yes. Running out of toilet paper at a critical moment? Yes. Finding out your mom slept with your high school principal just so you could pass 10th grade? Absolutely. But not finding love by the age of 25? Absolutely not. Due to most of their expectations not being met these ladies self-esteem was rock-bottom. The desperation was literally tangible.
There were definitely a few girls that made me perk up. The ones that did were tall and had curves in all of the right places. One of them really struck me and of course one of them had to be named Amanda. My bit of advice to Luke is “Don't do it! Stay away from Amanda! You're too good for her!” Hopefully he listens and we avoid a national disaster.
There was a girl from Baton Rouge, Louisiana (home town hero) that my mom and I both cheered for. She was nothing that I would go after but she was far from hideous. Just not my type. Once most of the contestants were out of the limo my mom commented “All of these women are beautiful”. My retort “Most... Definitely not ALL of them”. Case in point: there was this one lady whose breasts were just too far apart. I understand there not supposed to be on top of one another but this was an extreme case. It was like I was looking at two lazy eyes. Needless to say, she was one of the five ladies that were cut at the end of the show. One other being a rocket engineer (he was intimidated when she told him what she did for a living) and another the largest of the bunch but did not show it at all. She was cute but the connection was missing, I guess.
The second episode is next Tuesday and you can bet I will be sitting my chair, notepad in hand, eager to see what happens next. The show started off promising but we have yet to get into big girl cat fights. Gallon of milk, table 2! I'm going to hell.